One present was dead, but there was cake.

So my birthday was exhausting, but there was cake. It was ice-cream cake, and it was really good. Oh my goodness, that was some good cake. The only thing that could’ve made it better would’ve been more cake and less ice cream. It had two heavy layers of ice cream, vanilla and chocolate, with aContinue reading “One present was dead, but there was cake.”

Can’t ever keep from falling apart…

Last night was dreadful. I’d spent the day exercising and eating canned foods. Late at night while I was in the bathroom, I heard someone acting hysterical on the other end of my dad’s landline phone. (He uses the speakerphone due to his near-total deafness.) I had a bad feeling when I exited the bathroom.Continue reading “Can’t ever keep from falling apart…”

The good Samaritan.

There’s an episode of Frasier that deals with paranoia. I first saw it circa 2007. I’d been watching the reruns for a few years, but when it came on, I didn’t recognize the storyline. I wound up completely held in its thrall, and I couldn’t quit watching; and at the end, I was sobbing. I could justContinue reading “The good Samaritan.”

Paranoia attack at the fish fry!

It occurs to me that I have some thought pattern issues. I’ve never realized that because I associate negative cognitive schemas (bad thought patterns, which I learned about as a psych major) with depression. I’m not depressed, and it’s just never dawned on me that I have cognitive paranoia issues. I keep thinking about theContinue reading “Paranoia attack at the fish fry!”

That did NOT just happen. (Okay, it did.)

Ugh. It’s been a hard evening for me because of that visit to the state-appointed psychiatrist who thinks that depression and anxiety are the only mental illnesses. [Eyeroll.] If he overturns my disability, it should be easy to appeal and point out what limited space I was given to explain what happens when I goContinue reading “That did NOT just happen. (Okay, it did.)”

The cycle of shame.

For those of you who are following my diet journey, scroll down past the asterisks! 🙂 That part starts there. Everything before it is too depressing to read anyway. Oh! And, Emilia, you might want to skip this blog post. 🙂 Okay, so Charlie wrote back to me this morning thusly: Meg, We have threeContinue reading “The cycle of shame.”

Run with us.

Does anyone remember The Raccoons cartoon show? At the end of the program they always played the most beautiful theme music. Here’s the YouTube link, complete with a video. To the best of my knowledge, these lyrics are © Lisa Lougheed. When darkness falls, Leaving shadows in the night, Don’t be afraid, Wipe that fearContinue reading “Run with us.”

Paranoia triggered!

Having conversed with that guy yesterday, it has raised some issues. No clue why, but I guess because we were discussing horrible happenings, like his friend doing years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. I’m not sure why, but my mind went back to 2005, when I became psychotic. My mom responded byContinue reading “Paranoia triggered!”

When the mothers talk…

I hate my mother. She called me this evening while I was watching Felicity Season 3, and she immediately started asking me if I have a cough or a fever. I was like, “Why would I have a cough or a fever?” And she launched into some sort of fearmongering response about the virus. She then spentContinue reading “When the mothers talk…”

The start of the breakdown.

I wound up chatting with Norton support yet again, this time accusing them of being scammers in several different ways. Then I had some sort of hysterical meltdown and told them how hurtful it was to see my blog, my diary, marked as a known dangerous web page. The guy apologized, which was nice. MostContinue reading “The start of the breakdown.”

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started