Easy pitches for Annie Lane again!

Dear Annie: I am a single mother to my one daughter, who is now 29. She moved from our hometown because that’s where she met her husband, and she now has a son, my grandson, who is 1 1/2 years old. She asked me when she first got pregnant if I would move down to where they live to babysit Monday through Friday for them. Long story short, I did move. I left all my friends and family behind, although they are only two hours away. And now she decided to have him in day care, so I only babysit on an as-needed basis.

It has been and still is very hard for me being in this new city. I don’t know anybody and am still single, having left my companion when I moved down here. And it seems like the only time I see my grandson is when she needs me to babysit him.

Recently, she signed him up for toddler soccer, and I told her that I wanted to go to see him play. This past Saturday, they went, and she never asked me to join them. Her husband sometimes has to work on Saturdays, and it seems like she only invites me to things when he is working and not able to attend. I am feeling kind of hurt about this but don’t want to bring it up to her because I don’t want to start a huge conversation.

I have been lonely and have been living here for a year now. I’m thinking about moving back to my hometown but I’m torn because of not being able to see my grandson as often.

My question is, do you think I am being unreasonable to feel hurt that she doesn’t ask me to attend things when her husband is going? Should I move back to my hometown, which is two hours away, so I can have a social life? — Homesick (c) Annie Lane @ Creators.com

Oh, geez. Annie Lane’s picking the easy questions again. I bet she wrote this letter herself, just because it’s so easy to answer. Look at this part:

I am feeling kind of hurt about this but don’t want to bring it up to her because I don’t want to start a huge conversation.

And what’s the commonsense reaction to that? “You need to start a huge conversation.” I’ll wager anything that Annie Lane emphasizes communicating with her daughter. It’s just such a no-brainer. It reminds me of the suicidal letter writer who Annie Lane urged not to commit suicice. Because which other response is acceptable? “Yeah, go ahead and kill yourself,”? Yeah, right.

Annie Lane will open her advice by sympathizing with the situation and validating the letter writer’s feelings.

Oh. And the question about whether she should move back home is such a no-brainer that I can’t imagine anyone getting it wrong.

All right, Annie Lane, show us what you’ve got…

Dear Homesick: It sounds like freaked-out first-time mom was the one who requested you move to her neighborhood. Now that she’s in the groove of her parenting duties, she no longer needs the extra hands — which doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate you but does mean she is preoccupied with her immediate family.

Move back to your hometown and reconnect with your partner. Sitting by the phone waiting for invites does not make for a fulfilling social life.

Wow, I missed the part about how she left her companion. I had to go back and find it. I have to say, though, that I wouldn’t dump someone because I was moving two hours away. (Also, I wouldn’t move two hours away to babysit in the first place.) More evidence that Annie Lane wrote this letter.

Annie Lane’s an idiot. I can’t believe she focused all her advice on justifying the daughter’s actions.

It sounds like freaked-out first-time mom was the one who requested you move to her neighborhood.

Right, Annie Lane. It sounds that way because… wait for it… it’s what she told us. Yes, it was indeedy her daughter who asked her to relocate.

She no longer needs the extra hands — which doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate you but does mean she is preoccupied with her immediate family.

Mm-hmm. Assuming these are real people and not just Annie Lane’s creations, the daughter should never have asked her mom to give up her entire life just so the daughter could have free babysitting. How selfish is that?! And Annie Lane’s blaming it on being a freaked-out first-time mom, but come on. The daughter’s married and has a husband, and her mom was a mere two hours away. Mm-hmm.

Dear Annie: My son’s father has recently told me he wants to do everything he can for our son, who is almost 4. However, ever since our son was born, I have barely had any help. All he did was go to work in the morning and come home to play video games.

Our son used to go to his father to spend time with him only to be pushed away and told “no” because his father was busy playing a game. For that, my son is a mama’s boy, which is fine with me.

Now I’m with someone else who sees my worth, and we have a little girl due Dec. 26. We are also engaged.

I’m not sure how I feel about my son’s father suddenly wanting to be in our son’s life and claiming he will do whatever it takes. You don’t choose when you feel like being a parent. Any advice? — Stressed-Out Mom From NY

Another easy answer. It’s a simple matter of legal custody and basic morality: if the dad wants to be more involved in his son’s life, it’s his God-given right.

Dear Stressed-Out Mom: Yes, his paternal instinct is kicking in four years late — but for your son’s sake, it’s better late than never.

He’s already missed out on moments he’ll never get back. But don’t let your resentment toward him prevent your son from ever getting to know his father. An imperfect parent is better than an absent one.

Start small. Invite your son’s father to join your family for dinner once a week. If his commitment to your son is indeed more than just a phase, gradually loosen the reins.

But I think Annie Lane misread the situation. The letter writer doesn’t feel resentment toward the father. It’s more like she’s glad that her kid’s father is a video gamer, because it allows the letter writer to have her son all to herself. And now she doesn’t want to give that up.

Our son used to go to his father to spend time with him only to be pushed away and told “no” because his father was busy playing a game. For that, my son is a mama’s boy, which is fine with me.

That’s seriously one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever read. To clarify, I’m referring to the part about the mama’s boy. Some women, for whatever sick reason, develop these unhealthy relationships with their sons. I dated a guy once who was a total mama’s boy. And his mother hated me! Oh, how she hated me.

But this is what their mother-son relationship went back to: his birth. That’s right. I’m not making this up. When Billy was born, he was deprived of oxygen due to the umbilical cord. He had some developmental delays. He was the baby of the family, and his two older brothers were ten and eleven years older than him. Given those circumstances, Billy’s mom made a conscious decision to make Billy a mama’s boy who’d be forever dependent upon her and tied to her apron strings. How sickening.

This letter writer needs to change her relationship with her four-year-old son before he becomes someone like Billy. She doesn’t feel resentment as Annie Lane posited. Rather, she’s disappointed that her son’s father wants to reenter the picture in a larger way. It will inhinge on her plans for her son to be a mama’s boy!

(Not that I really expected Annie Lane to pick up on that. Once again with her advice, she went the required distance and then stayed in her comfort zone. Geez.)

2 thoughts on “Easy pitches for Annie Lane again!

  1. Annie Lane really seems to lack the basic skills for being an advice columnist. I’d like to see you in her place instead. 🙂 All those easy letters she picks make it look like she has very little respect for herself and her job, showing so clearly that she can’t deal with more difficult problems in other way than by referring people to therapy and that even the letters that she potentially writes herself are difficult for her to answer. Why won’t she find something she’s better at?
    I also really don’t like her justifying the first letter writer’s daughter. I think she sure could be a freaked out first time mom even with her husband nearby and her mum two hours away, but what she was asking for was something that required quite a commitment from the grandma, and even if she did indeed start feeling more comfortable in her new role over time, it’s not something that could justify how she acted towards her mother, placing the baby in daycare despite the letter writer moved for the sole purpose of babysitting him and just kind of not appreciating the letter writer’s help in general.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, I agree!! YAY! And yeah, the letter writer’s daughter shouldn’t have asked her mom to move!! Everything about that seems unbelievable to me!! I too found it sad that they put the kid into daycare and couldn’t take Grandma to the toddler sporting events! AAUGH!! Yeah, it’s hilarious that Annie Lane can’t do better. For the past few days, there have been letters written in from readers, and they fill her whole column. I almost wonder if she got hired because her name is Annie Lane, and she looks wholesome. You have to wonder! I like Carolyn Hax’s column a lot more, but it’s paid content, so it feels wrong to copy/paste it into my blog. Too bad, though!

      Liked by 1 person

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