Working on the memoir!

I’ve been hard at work on the memoir. It’s odd, but I keep getting asked the same questions from Sonya’s writers group: Was that a dream, a hallucination, or an out-of-body experience? [Shrug.] So I have to go back and put more info in those scenes to clarify. Where’s my pretty memoir cover?

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Oops. HA HA! Sorry. That’s Uncle Buck. He’s very avuncular with his power drill and cigar and tophat. Let’s try again here…

Screenshot (554)

There we go. I love my cover! I designed it myself.

Anyway, yeah, all these questions. “So, you weren’t taking any drugs? I thought your hallucinations ended when you were eight?”

And I’m like, “It was a one-time thing. College is a stressful time.”

“But then it happened again in the next chapter?”

Ugh. Well, I’ve had a very colorful life. I’ve currently written over 102,000 words in my memoir. I just wish I had exciting plans for it. I want to submit it to some small-press publishers, but I doubt I’ll get anywhere with it. Rejection seems to be the norm. I’ve been working on this part from college tonight:

(c) MEK 2021

During college I still hung out in the youth lounge at church, even though I was too old to be a member of the youth group. Nick, my childhood sweetheart [NOTE ADDED: in a literal sense, meaning we were quite close as children], dropped me like a hot potato when he became too cool and snobby to hang out with me. He fell hard for Carolyn, a girl who was too cool for school with her curly blond hair, huge blue eyes, thin figure, natural fashion sense, and all-around stuck-up demeanor.

Carolyn was a total snob, but Nick had eyes for her. I wasn’t bothered by Nick’s feelings for her until Nick decided that he couldn’t be seen with me for fear that Carolyn would think he wasn’t cool. I was deeply hurt, although I never said so; and Nick and I never found our way back from it.

I knew I wasn’t cool to be seen with. I was still an emotional mess, and I tended to wander around the church randomly discussing things like reincarnation, which made Nick look at me funny; but when all was said and done, Nick lost interest in me, and it took me a long time to accept that.

We also drifted apart due to circumstances, not seeing much of each other for a while, but in some part of my heart I prayed that he and I still had a connection. As a child, nothing had made me happier than his sudden presence in my household. He’d lit up the room just by divinely loving me. But as we matured together, he quit valuing what we’d had, and it faded into oblivion.

In an odd twist of fate, Nick had a huge growth spurt. Overnight he went from being cute and adorable to becoming a huge hulking beast of a young man, and not in a good way. I knew Carolyn would never go for him, not in a million years, and I was right about that—she never did. But by that point, my friendship with Nick was over, and my heart was broken into a million pieces at what I’d lost: a divine soulmate connection that he’d chosen to discard.

Oddly enough, in one of my college classes, the teacher brought someone in to lead us in a guided meditation and visualization. As soon as I was relaxed, I had an out-of-body experience, or something. I found myself outside of the southern Baptist church that Nick and I both attended. It was windy—very windy. In fact, my body was being blown over the grass and then scraped over the pavement, but I felt no pain. The wind rammed me onto a third-floor windowsill, which I strove to cling to.

Then I saw Nick. He was also being blown here and there. I wanted so badly to reach him. “Nick,” I called. He ignored me.

I leapt off of the windowsill and became airborne again, desperate to reach Nick, who clung to a tree. “Nick!” But as I blew down onto the grass and across the yard, he released the tree, blew over me, and headed toward the street. I ricocheted off the tree and tried to head in his direction, but I couldn’t reach him.

Nick was lost to me. I was in denial about that, even after the visualization ended it and I was gently deposited back in my classroom. But he was gone.

And Sonya had this comment: Wasn’t there anything good in your life that you could count on? 

Nope. Not until around 2015. It feels good to be validated!

2 thoughts on “Working on the memoir!

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