Fun times with advice commentary today!

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to a man for 17 years. But not long after the marriage, he stopped being a husband.

At first, we would talk, laugh and have fun. We would do things together, go places and, most of all, we would make love all the time. It’s been 10 years since we have had sex.

When we did try, he couldn’t fulfill. All he does now is pick fights. He blames me for things and does what he wants. He stays in the bedroom all the time. He yells when I ask for help with something.

He tells me I’m the crazy one. He makes me so mad that I hit him in the pocket and spend money. I know that’s not the right thing to do. But I do it.

I ask him if he loves me and wants to stay in our marriage. He says yes, that he still loves me and wants our marriage to work.

However, when his best friend was alive, he would do everything for him, including giving him money. That was because his friend did not want to work. He lived in the mountains at our place until he died.

After that, things got worse. My husband, who I will call “Steve,” bought a cabin in the mountains for his best friend’s son.

He did this while telling me that we have no money to go away on a trip together.

You should know that I have kids from a previous marriage, and my ex-husband and I helped with some of their college expenses. My current husband, Steve, complained about that, yet at the same time, he is eager to give money to his dead friend’s son.

So, do you think this is a marriage or just a convenience? Should I leave and quit wasting time? Please help. — Frustrated Wife (c) Annie Lane @ Creators.com

Huh. Well, Annie Lane will probably recommend marriage counseling and say that if her husband won’t go, she should go on her own to get help making the decisions. As if that isn’t the most generic advice in the known universe!

I think he’s struggling with impotence. But he’ll either get help for it, or he won’t. That, and/or he’s bisexual and was in love with his friend. Any chance Annie Lane will pick up on any of that? At best, she might recommend that he get a full medical checkup… but she won’t have a clue why.

Dear Frustrated Wife: You do not have a spending problem. You have a husband with much bigger problems. Don’t let them continue to be your problems. At the same time, getting his side of the story will require marriage counseling, and you both can find out for sure whether the two of you can change to make it a happy marriage.

Lame. I don’t think the letter writer even thought she had a spending problem! Revenge spending isn’t a problem, after all! 😀 But the point is that the letter writer isn’t worried about her spending. She already knows that her relationship is fraught with more serious issues.

He tells me I’m the crazy one. He blames me for things and does what he wants. 

Like that Brian Laundrie guy who murdered Gabbie Petito!! (He’s dead now, from what I’ve heard. Yep… dead. Dead, dead, dead.) Anytime a man is telling the woman that she’s the crazy one, the odds are favorable that the man is oozing toxic masculinity.

He yells when I ask for help with something.

Really? What a charmer.

Letter writer: “Dan, can you give me a hand with this lightbulb?” 

Husband: “AAAAAAUGHHH!!!!!! YYYYAAAAAAA!!!!! WHY? WHY? WHY?”

Let’s see what Dear Abby is up to!

DEAR ABBY: Should aging parents have to pay their children to take them to appointments or elsewhere? — WONDERING PARENT

DEAR WONDERING PARENT: I’m guessing you and your spouse did plenty of “chauffeuring” before your children had driver’s licenses. The “child” who suggested it should be ashamed of themself. (c) DEAR ABBY

Wow. I have only one thing to say: Dear Abby has clearly never met my mother. MY MOTHER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! Dear Abby hasn’t lived. If she wants to spend one piddly afternoon with  my mother and still lay claim to the above-given advice of hers, then I welcome her to come here to Louisville and try it.

Well, we’ve got more content from Annie Lane here:

Dear Annie: My 30-year-old grandson is incarcerated right now on charges of drug possession and shoplifting. This is one of many drug possession charges he has faced in the past two years, and he has multiple court cases coming up in November. While I have done everything I can to support and help him, nothing has worked. His behavior has caused a lot of grief and pain to me and my daughter. He stopped talking to me a couple of months ago, and it really hurts me. I’m at a loss as to what to do at this point. I’m seeing a counselor right now, which helps. — Grieving Papa

Okay. Twenty-to-one odds that Annie Lane commends him on being a wonderful grandfather, suggests Al-Anon, and tells him to stick with his therapy and keep supporting his daughter. Should I get a prize for this?

Dear Grieving Papa: I’m so sorry about your grandson. One of the toughest pills to swallow is that we can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. Stay close to your daughter and continue to show your grandson your unconditional love.

Hopefully, one day he sees the light.

Wow. So… my hopes that she’d recommend Al-Anon were too far-fetched. Oh well. I actually aimed too high. Whoa.

Dear Annie: I have been married for the past 15 years and have three children (one adult, two teenagers). I cheated on my husband 10 years ago and have apologized, and I thought we had worked through it.

My husband is not perfect. He has problems with alcoholism and has had multiple DUIs in the past and even spent time in jail.

I am at a breaking point. He is still throwing the cheating in my face daily. He is upset because his grown children have a lot of memories of him yelling at them. He says he yells at them because he is angry at me. My husband does not trust me, and I have no friends and never go out or do anything on my own. However, he can go out whenever he wants.

He says that he is just going through the motions to get through the day. I said if he is still that angry and dwelling on the past, then we should get a divorce because that is no way to live. He says if we get divorced, then no one wins, and the kids will be affected. I’m not sure how much more of the berating and verbal abuse I can take. I feel like a prisoner in my own home with nowhere to turn and everything I do is wrong. Please help. — Stuck

Okay, so I assume Annie Lane will encourage her not to prioritize the kids (in the sense that “affecting them” is a silly reason to avoid divorce). If Annie Lane has any sense, and/or if she wants to follow the easy path here, she’ll recommend the hotline number for abusive spouses. Probably, knowing Annie Lane, she’ll empathize with the letter writer and agree that that’s no way to live.

Dear Stuck: It sounds like your husband has some deep-seated issues with anger and alcoholism. It’s a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg scenario — a toss-up as to which came first — but one is surely adding fuel to the other’s fire.

Yes, you broke a marriage vow. But it sounds like you’re willing to work hard at repairing the relationship, looking forward rather than dwelling on the past.

Your husband, on the other hand, is keeping you both trapped in an arrangement where nothing is addressed, nothing is overcome and nothing is resolved. He clearly cares about his family — but he never processed the betrayal he felt from your cheating, nor is he able to cope in healthy ways. Find a couples therapist you both like to address the root of the problem.

Oh, shut up. Are you kidding me? I don’t care if this guy hasn’t “processed the betrayal”. He’s a jerk! Run screaming from this marriage! He’s entitled to not process the betrayal. He’s not entitled to be a domestic abuser. Geez Louise. It seems more likely that he’s using her betrayal as a collective excuse for all of his wrongdoings. Run, run, run.

It sounds like your husband has some deep-seated issues with anger and alcoholism.

Right, which makes him impossible to live with. [Eyeroll.] I think if your spouse is an angry alcoholic, it’s time to give it up.

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