Cue the guilt!

My parents are upset that I’m refusing to take my mom to her colonoscopy this upcoming Friday. I got this email from my mom:

Meg please
Dont say this. What have i done
I need your help. Not some stranger
Plus i will need to get food at pauls. What has happened? Help me understand.

I think my dad has it right when he says that she’s her own worst enemy. What has she done, she asks? She took me and my dad out to dinner yesterday and sucked all my energy away. I literally came home and slept for, like, twenty hours to recover. (Granted, I’ve been recovering from an oddly asymptomatic cold as well.)

I haven’t replied because there are no words. I can’t help her. But at this point, the guilt and the begging and bribery are going to intensify. My dad still hopes I’ll do it for $100 from him, plus whatever my mom pays me. I don’t have it within me to demand more, because I’d feel as though I was extorting him. (Unlike my mom, who seemingly has unlimited resources, my dad’s sort of broke.) But to be completely honest, I might consider doing it for a cool thou.

1934-one-thousand-dollar-bill-historic-image

But I’m having extreme anxiety. I keep picturing a car wreck, or us getting pulled over by the cops while I’m too braindead to interact with said cops; and so I can’t explain that my mother’s a toxic harpy whom I can’t get along with, and that’s why I ran that red light, or whatever. (And I’m sure my mom would love it if I were to be honest like that.) (Not.)

She’s engaged in some bad behaviors in the past. At one time I was supposed to pick her up from a doctor’s appointment, so I pulled the car up to the curb. She saw me there, just a few feet from where she stood; but she was pouting, and so she refused to get into the car. I just sat there, rolling my eyes. Along came a stranger who offered to open my car door for her (trust me, that’s not what she was holding out for, or I would’ve done it myself), and then we had to interact with the stranger, which destroyed me because of my paranoia, which my mother tends to multiply by about a hundredfold. So my mother emerged victorious that day.

I get it that I said I’d take her, but I have to put myself first. Come hell or high water, I won’t allow myself to be guilt-tripped, bribed, and/or cajoled into taking her. Yes, I never should’ve agreed to it in the first place. I can’t deny that.

(Note to self: when your mother acts all casual about something and asks for your help, get suspicious fast. Like, really really fast. And just say no.) 

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It’s Wednesday. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I just have to survive until after Friday.

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