Because I’m a cat!

Today has been boring because Sonya’s been busy. Her to-do list is constantly driving her to an early grave. She spends all her free time writing and editing her novels. She spends the rest of her free time beta reading for her writers groups. She takes a weekly dance class to guarantee that she’ll leave the apartment. I personally think she works too hard and should remember to enjoy life sometimes, but she’s way too dedicated to listen to me!

Oh, I just remembered. Okay, try not to mock me for this. I wrote a 250-word microfiction story for NYC Midnight several days ago, and they gave me permission to share it online at this time. (I have to wait for my entry to be tabulated.) I was assigned historical fiction, the word “high”, and the act of wiping off sweat. All thoughts are welcome!

At Home With Socrates

“Socrates! Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying? Help me do the wash!” Xanthippe scowled, hands on her hips. She stooped over to scrub the white garments, stopping only to wipe sweat off her face. 

Socrates snorted. “Washing is women’s work. That’s why I married you!” 

“You old coot!” Xanthippe yelled. “You never help out around the house.” 

“I don’t know how!” 

“Mm-hmm. It’s not that hard, genius.” She rolled her eyes. 

Socrates’s expression grew distant and dreamy. “One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing… about cleaning.” 

Xanthippe was fit to be tied. “Know this, you philosophizing madman. If you ever want to procreate again–”

Socrates leapt to his feet. “You dare to threaten my carnal desires, woman? Why, you’re an insult to the so-called fairer sex.” 

“We’ll never mate again!” she swore. 

“But… but… an unexamined wife is not worth living… with!” Socrates spluttered. “Ooh, I should write that down before I forget it,” he mumbled to himself. “An unexamined… an unexamined…life?” 

“You should’ve thought of that! Now, if you want sex, you’ll clean the house.” 

“Get off your high horse and give me some love, woman!”

“I don’t want to conceive another child with you, you arse.” 

“No worries, dearest! We’ll use the Socratic method… of birth control.” 

“That didn’t work with our first child, and it won’t work again!” She shook her head. 

As the sun set that night in ancient Greece, everything was right in the world. 

Yeah, I’m screwed. HA HA HA HA! Oh noooo.

Well, anyway, yesterday was a blast, and if you don’t believe me,  I have the video to prove it. Watch that at your own discretion. See, what happened was that I’d been eating vegan for five days (vegetables, essentially), and then we passed a candy shop, and the rest was history. Along with the candy was a slushy and some ice cream. My blood sugar levels never stood a chance. I guess I was acting slightly weirder than normal when we got home, so Sonya decided to roll tape, and God bless her for it. At the end there, I was trying to do that thing singers do where they raise and lower their voice all over the place while moving their hand in tandem for psychological reasons, so they’ll stay on tune. But I can’t remotely account for meowing. I really thought I was a cat. These things happen.

So today, we’ve been cooped up all day long. Sonya said we’d go to the cafe, but she’s being pulled by the lure of her computer, so I’m not sure it’s going to happen.

The guy I like here, Georg, appears to be uninterested in me. Oh well. But you never know!

You know, what’s upsetting is that NO ONE has liked or commented on my video. At least Sonya thought it was worth recording, but still, it’s upsetting when no one likes something involving how I express myself! It’s a bad feeling, like, does no one get me?! I always try to like similar videos. (This assumes that any similar videos exist.) Oh well.

So yeah, yesterday we went to the main area where every building is like a castle with a huge clock on it. Gorgeous. We even passed a sex museum. I asked Sonya about it, and she said they also have a torture museum. I joked that they could’ve just made both into one museum.

And we passed an area where women were giving men massages. Oh my.

But the candy store was the coolest. It was built into a (fake) rock quarry, its cavernous depths filled with candy basins. Having eaten most of the candy, I find I prefer American candy.

Oh! We also passed a really cool arcade! Oh my gosh, it was so awesome: brightly lit games, huge stuffed animals, wild music, and candy machines all made it a shop to remember.

We went in search of souvenirs for my parents, and I bought myself a magnet. It’s really cool. I want to go back and buy this really cool steampunk skull. I might do that. Who doesn’t love steampunk skulls?

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