I should be on the payroll!

Today has been unpredictable and wild, but in a good way.

It started with a recorded message from my psychiatrist, Dr. Phlegm. My dad had called him because my paranoia’s been extreme. Dr. Phlegm said I can take extra Seroquel until I return to my “baseline”. Apparently I have a baseline, whatever that means.

Then I went to the grocery store and approached the help desk. They were closed, on a Thursday midafternoon. No one there. Lights out. It’s supposed to be open pretty much all the time. Ugh.

So I stood in line with an old lady behind me, and we were both waiting for anyone to show up, although I had a strong sense that it wasn’t going to happen. And then the store’s landline phone started ringing. I looked around, but no one went to answer it. After the tenth ring, I thought, What the hell, Meg, you only live once, seize the day! Live your dream! Believe in yourself. So I approached the desk and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi. This is the pharmacy. Two people need their Pfizer vaccines, but we’re understaffed. Can you send someone?”

“Oh, sorry. I was just standing in line, and I answered because no one’s here. This whole place is abandoned. Uh, hold on.”

I turned around. Just a few feet away from me, behind where the area was cordoned off, a manager was having a brisk discussion with an employee.

“Um, phone?” I muttered, holding the receiver toward them. They didn’t even look in my direction. “No?”

So then a bagger came up and was telling the old lady that the area was closed. I tried to get her attention, too. “Phone?… No?” No luck.

Well, the lady from the pharmacy thanked me for picking up, and we ended our call. Afterward, I tried (in my paranoid way) to get someone’s attention as I left the store, so I could tell them that the pharmacy needed help, but then I just gave up.

I went outside and got in Blackbird to drive a few miles up the road to the next grocery store. At the first red light, I burst into giddy laughter. It was just too funny. No one had even minded that I’d answered the store’s phone! And there I was, talking on it for several minutes, and no one yelled at me for it. I have officially lived.

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