So, I’m just trying to stay very calm today so I’ll be relaxed tonight and (ideally) tomorrow. I get the contest assignment at midnight (it’s almost 2:00 PM here now) and then I have 24 hours to write a freakishly great 100-word story. I’m excited and apprehensive and sad that I ruined the part of the experience when I discovered I made it to the finals by not expecting it (due to the long back story).
So I went to the bookstore. Bad experience, but it’s happened before. Books-A-Million has a cafe, and that’s often the only place where there’s a cashier. So I was wandering around in that area waiting for someone to ring me up, and I went up to the area, but it turned out that there were people in line standing far back. The cashier said to me, “If you could just give me a minute, please, to–” And then she quit talking because I was gone. That’s all it takes. Take me off the script, and I won’t cooperate.
It’s hard to go off the script. Was I supposed to say, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you all there,” to the people in line, and then laugh like an idiot as though the situation was hilarious, and then get behind them in line? Um. Not happening. Then I get the strangers’ energy all over me, and my inner reserves of what I can cope with go from 90% capacity to 5% capacity in a rapid dive. It’s not worth it to my mental health to go along with such scenarios, so I’m fine with being a hero and not forcing myself to act normally.
And I was already peeved that there was no one at the regular checkout areas.
So after I made a beeline away from the cafe and was setting the items I was no longer going to buy on a nearby shelf, I glanced at the manager, who’d been hovering over the other employee, and wondered if he’d offer to ring me up at the regular checkout areas around the corner.
He ignored me. Their loss. I can buy what I want at Amazon.
I need to conserve my energy better today! One time, I was prepping for a contest like this one when the ceiling caved in. It was terrifying, and I wound up researching “spontaneous ceiling collapse” for hours. My dad was unconcerned. He said it was no big deal. So I was telling a friend about it, and the friend said, “Well, maybe your dad’s right. I bet you’re overreacting. If your dad thinks it’s no big deal, it’s probably no big deal.” (Like I’m a drama queen for fun?!) [Giggle-fest.] (Don’t put it past me.)
So I sent my friend some photos.
His rather hilarious response was, “Oh… oh.” That still makes me laugh. Yeah, my dad is very zen, but in this case, he felt the ceiling was no threat but I had good reason to feel otherwise. (I guess I have less ceiling knowledge?) [Shrug.]
I mean, I was upstairs when this happened above our front door downstairs. It sounded like an earthquake or something. Like, KABOOM! And then, like I said, I was terrified that the whole ceiling would continue in its deadly collapse. But my dad’s close friend, Mr. Sullivan, who I like a lot–nice man–told us that it was from water getting in over the front door. My windows are directly above this area, and I can attest to that being the case. Mr. Sullivan, who has several rental properties, has since repaired the ceiling for us, and he did an amazing job.
However, I was unable to relax in time to write a great story. But I barely squeaked through on the power of my previous story’s points (from a non-elimination round). And I’ve learned that it’s all about my head game. Especially since it’s my head we’re talking about here. [Eyeroll.]
I think I’m okay so far, but I’m still slightly behind on my sleep, and I didn’t sleep all that well last night, but I think it’s okay.
Sonya still seems concerned about me. I can tell my mind isn’t functioning at max capacity. I’m not really sure why. I think I have too much on my mind, especially regarding the contest and all the horrid drama I created therein. It’ll be a relief to write a story, submit it, and move on until the winners are announced. Then I’ll be better equipped to shove these feelings of guilt and shame and whatever else away. Because, as we all know, shoving our feelings deep down is the best way to deal with them. [Nods sensibly.]
I need to stock up on facepalm images.
I hope everyone out there is having a great day! God bless!