Ambiguously good!

I have good news of an ambiguous nature. I think I’m golden to compete in this weekend’s microfiction final! Go me! I waited 24 hours to hear back from Charlie and then I figured he can’t handle interacting with me due to my constant hysterics. (I totally don’t blame him.) So I took a gamble and sent him the registration fee of $15 with a note saying, “Thank you!!!” And then I just waited.

That was four hours ago. If the money were going to come back to my PayPal account, it would’ve happened already.

I hope my assumptions are correct here. In my logical mind, it all makes sense. My best guess is that Charlie saw the payment and felt relieved, like, good, she handled it without my having to write back to her. But you never know.

I was talking to Sonya earlier today, and something sort of distressing happened. Totally not her fault. We were discussing a post she wrote that she wanted me to look over for her, and I started misunderstanding her and misinterpreting everything she was saying to me. I panicked and wondered if she didn’t want me to come visit, so I said as much.

Well, Sonya went into best-friend mode, and God bless her, so I was able to see (to some extent) that my brain wasn’t working properly. I awoke too early today at 9:00 AM after staring at my inbox waiting hours and hours to hear back from Charlie last night; and as I predicted, I was afraid to get out of bed and check my email this morning.

So the stress of everything is getting to me, and sometimes when that happens my brain literally doesn’t work right. (In fact, my inability to handle stress is the basis of my disability status, since a person could, in theory, have my mental illnesses but be able to function.) On top of that, I’m still being pestered by Mart, Mr. Wrong from four years ago, because he’s taken to harassing Sonya about me, sending her emails I sent him in 2017. He seems to be deluded into thinking that I still want to meet him in person. That ship has sailed, and then it caught fire and sank, and now its splintered remains are polluting the ocean and trapping the fishies. She tried to talk to him about it, and he… ugh. What a mess.

I’m not sure what else I’ve been stressed about, but my mind is on overdrive lately and I’ve badly fallen behind on the cleaning. I think my sweet LuLu has fleas. The whole house needs to be vacuumed then, and she needs to be combed, and I already ordered her a flea collar on Amazon.

Tomorrow needs to be relaxing and peaceful. I get the final assignment at midnight EST (which is my time zone as well as NYC Midnight’s) tomorrow night. Then I have 24 hours. I’m already behind the game because I’m partly convinced I have no claim to compete. It would help to hear from Charlie, but nothing can change the fact that I withdrew. In my mind, that makes me unworthy of winning a prize. Ugh.

Geez, Meg, at least blame Charlie a little bit. He’s known for a long time that his forumites are hostile backstabbers, and he’s made no move to get moderators for the forum and thus fix the problem. He can’t be bothered, apparently.Β 

Good point, inner voice. Thanks. See? I’m being too hard on myself. There’s plenty of blame to go around here.

Well, I might try to go to the gym this evening. I’m tired but not sleepy and can’t fall asleep for a nap–tried. I hope everyone out there is having a nice day! Please cheer me on to victory!!

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