Oh, geez. I’ve been hard at work on my memoir today, editing a scene that’s trigger-worthy. And then it happened: I got an email from Mart. I blogged about him recently if you recall: he’s Mr. Wrong from four years ago.
And I knew it was coming! I knew I hadn’t heard the last of him. I’ve just been biding my time, waiting for it, and here it is:
Meg i had a bad turn with some missed meds, alcohol and being addicted to [withheld to protect his privacy]
If you hate me or pity me that is fine
But I was a bit off. Price I pay for looking after someone with worse issues than me [He’s referring to his live-in fiancée here, I believe]
Please consider working with me a bit as it would give me something to do half the time and help us both get over bad stuff.
Sonia may have a point. [Sonya, whose name he keeps misspelling, told him I hate losing friendships.] Its up to you but do bear in mind I could blank both of you but don’t want to lose friendship.
And I have blocked lots of people on Facebook and Twitter for various reasons.. so you are not in an exclusive club
Ugh. Well, it’s a welcome distraction from that incredibly depressing scene I was editing. Out of the frying pan, into the fire?
How do I reply to this? It’s mostly sincere and not too snarky. (He can be snarkier than… okay, that comparison died. Quick, name something that’s snarky! Because he’s snarkier than that!)
Oh, geez. I don’t want to hurt him, but there’s no good course of action here.
- I can reply gently and explain that it’s not going to happen. He’ll engage me and keep me engaged, and there won’t be an easy way out. Sort of what happened when we spoke for the first time in years, just recently.
- I can ignore his message. He’ll send more messages. If I block his email, he’ll send them from another account. Ugh.
- I can let him back into my life. Oh, Meg, don’t even play pretend here. Not happening.
Are there other options here? Ugh.
I’m leaning toward option #1, but I can’t see it ending well. No, Mart, no! AAUGH!! Just no!!
It’s upsetting because his energy hurts me. The way he can’t help but insult me and ask insulting questions, his need to convince me to have casual sex with people because I deserve some action…
Okay. I’ve got this. I’ll tell him I’m not mad but that he rubs me the wrong way, and I don’t feel safe around him.
Right, Meg, that’ll go over well.
Ugh. Okay, uh… I’m screwed. I replied thusly:
I’m not mad at you! it’s all good! But being around you causes me to feel hurt! There’s no way it can work! I’m sorry!!
And that’ll lead to a desperate response begging me to reconsider. [Eyeroll.]
And three hours have passed. I needed a nap but was agitated and wakeful, so I ran some errands. Mart hasn’t written back yet, but I know he will. He’s strategizing. He’s a Scorpio. It’s what they do. They retreat and plan their next strike.
It’s the very next day in this strange saga! I’ve been spending hours working on my memoir, preparing next week’s submission to Sonya’s writer’s group. I got more emails from Mart, begging me to be friends with him again. I hate to turn anyone down, but you all, this guy is trouble with a capital T. So I’ve been nicely rejecting his efforts at getting back into my life.
One email read thusly:
I made many mistakes in 2017 but that wasn’t the normal me. Why you can’t move on when kristi gave you no 2nd chance? You are talented and i could learn from you.
Hmm. When we reconnected lately and I told him how my friendship with Kristi ended (hilarious story, different blog post), he said, “Well, it sounds like it was your fault.” [Facepalm.] But he’s speaking inaccurately to say Kristi wouldn’t give me a second chance. It’s more accurate to say that we reached an impasse.
And then, it seems he’s appealing to my ego with that bit about how I’m talented. [Rolls eyes heavenward.]
I’m sorry, but I can’t.
And then he said goodbye, and I said goodbye. I wondered what his next move would be.
We have an answer. I just now found out that he went to Sonya and rejoined her writer’s group. [Facepalm.] I immediately opened the Dropbox files and deleted all of my memoir submissions from recent weeks.
I knew he’d do this–try to find a way to drive a wedge between me and Sonya.
I don’t have it in me to ask Sonya to keep him out of the group. It would make me hypocritical. There have been people in her group who I’ve mistreated (and I feel awful about it–I’m not proud of it), and they’d have every right to ban me from the group, but being my best friend, Sonya has never banned me.
Aha! Sonya found a way that I can block him from accessing my Dropbox files. Technological genius!! Fabulous.
I’m feeling less panicked and threatened now than I was several minutes ago. I mean, if I want to publish my memoir, then I have to accept that anyone can buy it and read it. So, that would apply to Mart, too, and if he accesses the files somehow it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But I just don’t trust his motives. He’s up to no good, mark my word. I knew he’d try to find a way to go after my relationship with Sonya! Ugh. I’d worry that he could win and topple our wonderful friendship, but what’s built on firm foundation can’t be destroyed.