So, things have been going great with my life coach, Leonie. She recommended this salad recipe, and it was divine! I even photographed it:
… to preserve the moment for all time. (Then I ate it.) It was like eating fancy restaurant food. (But don’t get me started on the artificial, styrofoam strawberries. It’s only possible to get real ones from the farmer’s markets a few weekends a year. Strawberries used to be good. I’m not happy about eating the styrofoam variety/hybrid.)
It’s becoming more and more clear to me that I’m a food addict. In particular, any sort of packaged junk food is going to be problematic. I’m not sure which ingredients in particular are setting me off, but it might not matter. So many unhealthy foods trigger my brain’s happiness chemicals. My dad brought home a few carryout fries several nights ago. I hate some of them and immediately wanted to go on a junk-food bender.
I doubt I can do moderation here. The slightest amount has me running for more. I’d love to find a snack food that is non-addictive and not too junky, but until then, here I am eating only healthy foods. Every time I want junk food, I just remind myself that healthy foods can taste good, too. And then I roll my eyes and make a face. I’m probably, like, this close to falling off the wagon.
In good news, food addiction seems to have a non-existent withdrawal period. The first few days are the hardest, but possibly for psychological reasons, like, “Why should I bother? I can’t turn things around now,” or whatever. But as long as I don’t eat even a bite of something addictive/junky, then I won’t go off the deep end. I’ve just got to keep making healthy choices until the end of time. Gee, does that seem like forever? Yeah, it seems like forever…. Well, I spaced out and checked my email just now. Forever minus five minutes. [Groan.]
Oh, good, here are some emails from Leonie. She was impressed by the salad! YAY! I’m sort of impressed, too. My new mantra is that healthy food can be good, too. Just got to keep repeating that! She recommended dates. Interesting. I’ve never eaten plain dates, not to my knowledge. I’ll look into it! She keeps recommending healthy foods that actually sound good. This is just what the doctor ordered.
I accidentally shipped my portable music player’s cord with an eBay auction I sold. I can’t seem to find a replacement, which is sad. So I finally bit the bullet and ordered a new music player, and you all have got to check this out. It’s so retro as to be awesome. I was like, yeah, I want that one. I’m going to be the cool person at the gym. I can’t imagine a neater mp3 player.
Forever minus fifteen minutes. Go me! Sigh. Oh my. Leonie’s suggesting whipped cream (homemade) for strawberries, and I told her I can’t eat mushy foods. Then she recommended regular cream, and I told her I’m repulsed by dairy.
Picture it: As a young child, I loved eating square cheese and drinking milk. Until one day when I was six years old and living in a mansion with my parents and little brother in Old Louisville, where the houses are ancient. My brother woke up early in the morning and saw that our carriage house, an outbuilding that was two stories tall and made of brittle green wood, was on fire. We all got up and watched it burn from the back porch. My mom kept running around taking photos and being sociable with the firemen.
I was terrified. An arsonist had done it, but what if he’d set our house on fire instead of our outbuilding, I wondered? No one cared enough to check in with me, as usual. I think my mom told me to make my own breakfast. So I made a bowl of Grape-Nuts cereal, and I didn’t put in any milk. It tasted different, the texture. I added a spoonful of sugar. Better. And that day, in some strange way, I awakened to the awareness that I no longer liked dairy. Go figure. After that point, I couldn’t be bribed to eat square cheese or to drink milk, and believe me, people tried. Then they just gave up. Dry cereal became my odd reality.
Well, that was a fun trip down memory lane.