A harsh taskmistress.

Okay, so I’ve taken action and have commissioned my life coach, Leonie, to hold me accountable for what I eat every day. I’m paying her monthly to get multiple emails from me each day and maybe answer them once a day with either encouragement or admonitions. I’ve known I needed this for a while. I mean, I know what’s healthy and what isn’t (although I’m open to suggestions in that department), but I have no accountability. None. And I need some!

My dad is very kindly paying for it, so even though he promised me $200 a while back if I were to ever lose substantial weight, I might waive that promise of his since he’s paying for this. I’m going to rely upon Leonie for two or three months, and then we’ll regroup and see if I’m ready to be independent.

My dad was like, “Can’t you just lie to her about what you eat?” Well, duh. I do approve of lying under several circumstances (tact, self-protection, discretion, etc.), but this isn’t one of them. So, no. No lying.

I was just talking to Sonya, and she’s gone overboard with the food suggestions. I didn’t even bring it up! She’s all like, you need to quit eating grains and you’ll lose loads of weight. So I told her that oatmeal is my healthiest brunch mean. And she was all like, yeah, but I bet you put sugar in it. And I was all like, yeah, all of ten grams! The horror, the horror. And she was all like, grains plus sugar equals fat. And I was all like, Sonya, the alternative would be bagels and pastries.

She tried to get me to go off gluten. I told her that I did that for a whole year once and lost no weight.

(I feared I had gluten ataxia, and as it turns out, I still think I have it. But what I learned is that I need to avoid eating too much gluten at once. If I eat bread/gluten in small or normal quantities, the ataxia doesn’t occur. The problem seems to happen when I go to the pastry shop. Their pastries are overflowing with gluten, I believe. I need to avoid overeating gluten because with ataxia, that can damage your brain, from what I understand.)

(Not that I’ve ever been diagnosed, but whenever I eat too much bread, my hands start closing themselves. It took forever to pinpoint bread, but I’m pretty sure it happens whenever I eat too much bread.)

So this hilarious conversation kept going and got nowhere. (I could’ve ended it or changed the subject, but Sonya’s so delightful and fun that I’m happy to talk to her about anything.) Ironically I wound up ending the conversation due to hunger.

Hunger is a tough aspect of weight loss for me. I’m not a believer in weight loss via hunger. The problem is that there are less healthy foods that I like to eat, so I often wind up hungry. (Also, I’m convinced that healthy foods are less filling in general than, say, eating a whole box of Wheat Thins. But you see the problem.) It’s like when I try to drink water only–I become dehydrated. Same thing. (Fortunately, I love unsweet tea, so… problem solved!) To counter the hunger, I’m now eating a bowl of canned green beans. I already ate oatmeal.

I think this is the right path because I need accountability, and I can’t seem to answer to my own inner conscience. Instead of strengthening that inner connection, I’m relying upon Leonie for now. Maybe I’ll develop strength in that regard and be able to start answering to myself. So, yeah, I’m just going to email Leonie about everything I eat. I just now emailed her thusly:

Much hunger today–didn’t eat enough yesterday, apparently. Must eat more. Have eaten oatmeal and am eating canned green beans as well. I’ve already pilfered two chocolate-chip cookies from my dad’s room. That’s not major, but the goal is to not eat anymore for the rest of the day. I mean, anymore of his cookies. I hope to have a lovely and healthful dinner later. 🙂 Will report back in several hours or so!!

And I told her she really only needs to reply once a day or so. I like knowing that someone out there in the worldwide web is monitoring my progress. (She lives in South Africa.) It makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE!! Oh my goodness, there aren’t even words for it. I’ve sensed this would help for a long time, so now I’m finally doing it. I feared I’d feel controlled or limited, like I want my freakin’ junk food! But I actually feel like there’s a lot of added stability here. It’s sort of a relief.

I can’t remember when I’ve ever answered to anyone for my eating. I’m thinking, maybe never. I ate well growing up, but snack food was never on my mind. I mean, I ate snack food, but it was just random and not like something I needed every single day. It was a more casual relationship back then. It’s similar to my current relationship with sweetened beverages. I’ll think, I’m parched, so I’ll buy a soft drink or some Gatorade, but that happens so rarely as to be negligible. (I’m guesstimating maybe ten times a year.) So hey, if I can do it with drinks, I can do it with food! I’ve just got to figure out which healthy foods are super filling and eat them as snacks or meals!

I didn’t maintain the canned-foods-only diet, but a lot of good has come from it. I’ve incorporated canned foods into my regular eating, so there are added sources of healthy foods now: green beans, corn, potatoes, fruits, etc.

I have a really good feeling about this! Go Meg!

Oh! Also, I’ve got some big news here. Sonya’s and my novella tanked. Yeah, it was tragic. But apparently the novellas aren’t due until June 15th, and they must be written in 72 consecutive hours (three days). Guess what? I started a brand-new novella of my own last night at 10:00 PM and will submit it after three days have passed from then. I’m still in this!

Gotta run! Dr. Phlegm is calling my landline in several minutes. I hope everyone out there is having a great day!

2 thoughts on “A harsh taskmistress.

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