Sanity has tenuously been restored in an insane mind, and I feel oddly good about communicating with Nate. I just feel bad that I was so… all over the place in my message. The truth is that I feel awful about what I’ve put him through, often to the point that I want to actually send him money in order to atone. I’m hopeful that my regrets came through past my anger.
I was at war with myself, like, “I’m so sorry I was so horrible to you… but you deserved it, you monster!” I’m hopeful that the former part of that message reached him past the latter part of the message. I wasn’t in the right mindset to deliver the former message, but I do feel that way. Not last night, but in general. At any rate, it is what it is. I wasn’t trying to antagonize him as much as just sharing my feelings, and I hope he actually heard what I was trying to say about how remorseful I am. Because I wasn’t in the mindframe to really let that part of my message lead. I stumbled upon a bizarre opportunity and didn’t make the best of it. Life is weird.
This weekend Sonya and I are writing a novella for this contest! We’ve managed to harmonize our writerly energies and are planning a wonderful tale of adventure and mischief. I think we might even contend at this point. You never know, but hey, let’s bring it!
I’ve been eating healthier: more oatmeal and more salads. Those are power foods, right? And I’ve been going to the gym and avoiding junk food much of the time. I ate some last night, but… geez, last night wasn’t a great night. I’m not too demoralized by it, so I’m just carrying on today with the oatmeal and salads. They make these packaged salads at the grocery store with an Asian sesame theme, and I love them. It’s an entire bag of lettuce and other greens with all these great add-ons and dressings (but not so many that you’re breaking your diet). Low cal, high yum.
HA HA! Oh my. I’ve just spent the past several hours scheming and plotting with Sonya to take over the world. Well, actually, we were just discussing our novella for this weekend. Wow, it was fun, and we’ve got some great ideas and characters!
And to those of you who are concerned that I haven’t been taking enough Seroquel, I think I’ll go back up to the full dosage. But I might not sleep well this weekend anyway. With my dad out of town, LuLu might wake me up so I can take her out to pee, which my dad usually does because he wakes up before I do. We’ll have to hope for the best all around. Whatever happens happens. (Note to self: if you get exhausted, take a nap!) I think it’ll be good.
Thanks for coming along for the ride, everyone! Life is always interesting. Never a dull moment. It’s going to be a huge weekend.