I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and have realized, both by reading my food book and talking to Ashley Leia in the comments, that I need to face my junk food addiction head on. What I need to do is wait until I have an intense craving for junk food, preferably for some I can get at the drugstore (meaning it’s not already in the house), and then I need to “torture” myself by forcing myself to address what I want the junk food for. I suspect that if I can successfully do this a handful of times that I might be able to reach the other side of junk food addiction.
I honestly have no idea what inner aspect of myself I’m feeding with the junk food. It must be something. I need to be in the moment to find out. I’m actually sort of curious. The purpose won’t be to practice will power, of which I have none. I suspect I can only do this a few times before I cave. The point is to determine what’s driving my addiction. I need to go into it to get that information.
I feel like I’m planning a descent into hell. If only it were that dramatic. [Eyeroll.]
At any rate, I feel fatter than ever but I ate many healthy foods today and went to the gym. Go me!
I’m going to share my 100-word story for the contest, and I want to apologize in advance for this. It’s sexually disturbing and explicit. I don’t have many good things to say about it–not that can be said with a straight face, at any rate. The assignment was to write a comedy including “patch” and the concept of turning up the volume.
Life in Bed for the Undead: Loving Each Other to Bits
“Turn up the volume,” Zora Zombie said. “That commercial’s on.”
Her husband Zeke obliged. Zora nestled closer on their shedded-skin patchwork quilt.
The onscreen female zombie sounded sympathetic. “Are you suffering from zombie-specific erectile dysfunction? Take Zombiealis, the only aquamarine pill proven to treat ZSED.”
Zeke’s snort sent his nose flying.
“Side effects include spontaneous combustion and liquefication.”
Zeke hugged Zora. “Surprise! I took one earlier. It’s time.”
Zora beamed, loose lips a-dangle.
Zeke grimaced. “Wait… sorry. It broke off. Let me reattach it.” He fumbled in his pants. “Done!”
They laughed their heads off and fell in a heap.
HA HA HA H AH A! Oh noooo. This is very much influenced by my mentor, who has a dirty mind and is a shamefully bad influence. (What sort of mentor is he?!) He wrote the last sentence/paragraph, too. Left to my own devices, I was going to have the zombies all blow up, or something. [Shrug.]
Meg, you’ve just taken your blog to an all-time new low.
Oh, come on. I can go so much lower than this!
Anyway, getting back to dieting. I really like peanut butter oatmeal with added walnuts. I can’t find a link to the oatmeal (walnuts sold separately), and perhaps they don’t make it anymore. No worries! It’s essentially packages of oats with peanut butter powder. But it’s never enough of a serving. I swear, those individual oatmeal packets don’t have enough oats! At any rate, guess what I found on Amazon earlier today? Peanut butter powder. Hurrah! I can make my own peanut butter oatmeal. I also got some nuts.
I’ve grown tired of canned food (it was bound to happen), but I’m still eager to eat healthy. I might also try making a sandwich on rye with mostly healthy lunch meats (ham and roast beef) and small amounts of unhealthy lunch meats and also spinach. I actually like spinach. It will be like making my own Subway sub every day, but healthier and more affordable.
I’ve got a huge week coming up. On Thursday I get contest results about my rainbow poem, but I’m genuinely not expecting to win. It would shock me. Still, it’s worth looking forward to.
Oh. I should mention that it’ll be Memorial Day weekend here in the US next week. Memorial Day is on Monday and is typically celebrated as a three-day weekend sort of deal.
Okay, so on Friday I have to take my dad to the airport. He can drive us there, so I just have to go in with him, see him off, and then find the way back to my car and home from the airport. It’s not an area I’m familiar with but we’ll hope for the best. He’s going to be gone all weekend partying with his sister and their family.
On Saturday I’ll be doing the three-day novella contest. This is the spinoff organization. They’ve rebranded it this year. I wasn’t going to participate, but guess what? I’ll be collaborating with Sonya. She and I are going to write a novella together! How much fun is that?! It should be a total wild child of a novella, alternating between heavy pathos (courtesy of Sonya) and ridiculous hilarity (courtesy of me). I have no idea if it will even contend, but it’ll be fun to write. We’re going to get an outline and each write from the perspective one of the two main characters. That will perfectly create two different “voices” within the novella.
That will involve Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. On Monday I must also fetch my father from the airport. I might leave Sonya in charge of editing and combining our scenes during that time.
In advice column news, Annie Lane ran a rerun from three years ago yesterday. I recognized it when I read it and researched it to find out when it originally ran. Yeah. It agitates me that she gets paid to do this. Let’s see if today’s column is also a repeat, shall we?
Yep. It’s also from exactly three years ago. Oh, wow, this is a laugh riot. Irritated, I commented at the Arcamax syndicate yesterday. My comment, which I have a screenshot of, got deleted the first three times I left it, and my internet kept crashing due to Arcamax’s overuse of ads, but I persisted:
And today, we have the answer:
(“Annie Lane is off this week. This column was originally published in 2018. Thank you–Creators.com”)
See, they kept deleting my comment at first because they didn’t want anyone to notice. Shouldn’t we have gotten that same above acknowledgement yesterday? But (as sad as this is) I never forget an advice column. I just don’t. I may not have my own advice column, but darned if I’m going to let Annie Lane shirk her advice giving responsibilities, for which she has no natural ability. (She also keeps saying “try and” instead of “try to”. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you guys how much that irritates me.)
So, that might be everything. We’ve discussed zombie sex, Annie Lane’s repeats, the throes of food addictions, my collaborative novella project, and taking people to the airport. Rock it!