So, I just completely lost it at the grocery store. My dad says I shouldn’t go there at night. Quite honestly, I shouldn’t go at all.
When I got there, I parked and saw someone sneaking out of the side door and immediately getting inside a getaway car driven by someone else. Intrigued, I wondered if there was some shoplifting going on. I figured I wouldn’t tell anyone because no one ever takes me seriously anyway, but I made dagger eyes at the inhabitants of the jeep to let them know I disapprove of stealing.
Then I went inside and grabbed some sherbet and Sprite. I went to the U-Scan and waited for one to open up. U-Scan area one was opened but all were full. U-Scan area two was cordoned off, but people were still buying things there.
This has happened before.
The employee saw that I was next in line and started yelling at me. “Ma’am? Ma’am? MA’AM!”
I stared at her, unwilling to jump like a trained seal. Agitated, I scurried away as if I’d decided to keep shopping. The laughter of several people followed behind me.
I returned several seconds later, found a U-Scan in area one, and used it. Then I left.
Outside, the shoplifters were now parked by the front door that I’d used. Just sitting there, probably wanting to murder me, or something. (They could try, but they’d be walking funny. There are times when I’d pity anyone who’d try to murder/abduct/mug me.)
I felt irate. I walked a few steps toward my car and then turned and re-entered the store.
I approached the bascarts that were strung from end to end, blocking the U-Scan area, and tried to figure out how to untie them. Hmm. They seemed to be attached to either end with carabiners.
The employee came over. “Can I help you?”
“Why are these here?” I gave an imperial wave and returned to trying to unfasten the carabiners.
“Are you trying to exit?” she asked. “You can go that way.”
“Uh, no. I mean, why are these here? You’ve got the area cordoned off, but people are using it. It defies logic, which I studied in college.”
“It’s not my call,” she replied.
“Look,” I explained. “I come to the U-Scan to avoid interacting with people, and you forced me to interact with you.”
“I’m not forcing you to interact with me,” she insisted. “You’re–”
“You were! You were like, ‘Ma’am! Ma’am! MA’AM!'” My voice shot up, and everyone turned to stare at me. I sounded like a shrieking banshee. I think it was a spot-on imitation of her, but… people were staring.
“I was trying to get you to go around so you could use one of these U-Scans,” she explained.
“Yes, I know. But it defies logic! If you wanted me to use one, then the area wouldn’t be cordoned off!”
“I have a reason, but it’s not mine,” she said. Hmm… grocery-store mafia?
“Are you sure?” I sneered at her as if she was an idiot. “Are you sure you have a reason?” I spoke as if she was an idiot. “Have you put any thought into it at all? Because it’s pretty stupid.”
“I’m not a shoplifter,” I told her. I swear, everywhere I go, people tag me.
She made a surprised face. “That has nothing to do with it.”
“Then what? What’s the reason? I don’t like interacting with people! I don’t like being forced to interact! It goes against everything the U-Scan stands for!”
“It’s over now,” she said. “You can go. It’s over.”
“This has been going on for years!” (This is true.) “And it will keep happening. I’m not your trained seal to jump at your command.”
“Fine! You just stand here and keep talking to yourself.” She turned to leave.
“FUCK YOU!” I shrieked.
“Oh, okay,” she muttered. “You went there.”
“BITCH!” I’d officially lost it. (Hell, Meg, you never had it.)
“Get the hell out.”
“Up yours!” I headed toward the exit. “It defies logic! I studied logic in college! I’m not a trained seal! Bitch!” People from all the way across the store were staring at me by this point.
And then I was outside. The shoplifters were, interestingly, having a similar argument. “Effin’ get the hell out of the car,” one yelled to another. “Go on, get out!”
I scurried past them, got in my car, and went home.
So, I’m thinking that the Buddhist cow approach to my anger issues might not be working…
In my defense, I’m very sick. I’ve only gotten worse since I got that vaccine three days ago. I think I need to see a doctor, because according to my internet research, the side effects should be long gone. Ironically, I made a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow… and it’s at the grocery store’s little clinic. [Groan.] We’ll see what happens.