Dear Annie: I am 70 years old and have just relocated to the U.S. from overseas, after an unexpected divorce. It was my daughter’s suggestion for me to move here. I’ve bought a house and am 5 miles from my daughter’s house. This is the first time in years that I have lived close to her and my two grandchildren. It’s been a huge change for me, and I am still getting used to things here.
My daughter is still married, but she and her husband haven’t lived together for seven years. She is currently furloughed from her job.
While I want to be here and be involved in their lives. I also want a life of my own as I cannot be with them all the time. Using a dating website, I met a woman. I wasn’t sure whether to tell my daughter, but my daughter told me how she’d met a man on a dating site and they were planning to meet soon — so I figured I’d open up and tell her about my new friend. It seemed like she approved or at least didn’t disapprove.
Then it came to my eldest grandson’s birthday. I forgot his card and present, so I asked my new lady friend to bring them to my daughter’s house for me. I got it from her when she arrived outside and gave her a quick kiss goodbye. I went in and gave it to my grandson who was overjoyed with the present. My daughter on the other hand was unhappy, as she saw my lady friend.
Now my daughter wants nothing to do with me anymore because she thinks I’m only thinking about myself. During the last three months, my daughter has only been in my house three times and for less than 10 minutes on each occasion. I’ve been to their house many times and each time for several hours at a time. I’m told I only care about myself and she doesn’t want anything else to do with me now. I’m partially reliant on her regarding the final part of my immigration here. If she withdraws from that, then I’m in trouble and may have to leave as a result.
She feels that I am selfish and don’t care about her and the boys but that isn’t true. I just want some life of my own along with being here to be close to them. This is a huge problem for me and I have no idea how to make it right. — Dissed By Daughter
Dear Dissed: I don’t know what your daughter’s problem is, but it’s not you. Some unhappiness in her personal life is probably causing her to lash out so irrationally. Hopefully, she comes to her senses and apologizes. The immigration factor does complicate things. I’d recommend consulting with an immigration lawyer to see what other options you might have so you don’t have to rely on the whims of a petulant daughter. You didn’t lug your whole life 2,000 miles to be her punching bag. (c) Annie Lane @ Creators.com
[Graciously edited to remove a glaring typo, the likes of which you wouldn’t believe!]
Hmm. This is like playing medical mystery, or murder mystery, only way more fun. What on earth is the letter writer leaving out?!
It seemed like she approved or at least didn’t disapprove.
Okay. A lack of disapproval is… interesting. I can’t tell if he told her the extra news here (“She’s really a hooker!”) or if he acted as if everything was kosher. Why would anyone disapprove of online dating, especially if they’re doing it themselves?
I asked my new lady friend to bring [the grandson’s presents] to my daughter’s house for me.
There’s a heavy implication that the “lady friend” is living with him, for her to have immediate access to the grandson’s card and present. And he told us he just moved to the country recently. Huh! Is he a fast dater?
I […] gave her a quick kiss goodbye.
So… did she show up looking and acting like Jessica Rabbit, by any chance? Regardless, it was poor form to be engaging in PDAs when no one had met her yet. If my dad were to introduce to a new girlfriend, I wouldn’t want the meeting to involve any PDAs. Um. Yuck.
My daughter on the other hand was unhappy, as she saw my lady friend.
She sure saw something. The plot thickens.
Now my daughter […] thinks I’m only thinking about myself.
Hmm… what sort of tawdry romantic situation would equate to selfishness? Is his “lady friend” underage? Nah. [Shakes head.] Hmm… selfishness… hmm… I’m close to a breakthrough here. I really am.
During the last three months, my daughter has only been in my house three times and for less than 10 minutes on each occasion. I’ve been to their house many times and each time for several hours at a time.
Okay, what’s going on at his house?! The daughter’s distancing isn’t a rejection of her dad, or she wouldn’t let him come over to her house.
Uh… do we have a harem situation going on? A brothel? A house of… ill repute? [I didn’t manage to type that with a straight face, but golly gee, I sure tried.] A meth lab? I’d avoid such a place, too. I’d hate to go kaboom.
I’m partially reliant on her regarding the final part of my immigration here.
Okay, so he wants to engage in illegal and/or lewd activities without any consequences? Mm-hmm.
And the selfishness theme is repeated many times. I just don’t think she’d consider it selfish for him to be dating someone. There’s got to be more to it. A lot more to it. But what?! He talks as if she’s not giving him any space to do his own thing, but no one would find it selfish of him to date someone.
Hmm… I wonder if the unexpected divorce was from his daughter’s mother? He’s recently divorced, and maybe his ex told their daughter all about what a womanizer and adulterer he was, and how crushing it was to the ex. Maybe the “unexpected” nature of the divorce involved his ex-wife catching him in bed with three women at once. That would be unexpected!
So, he moves overseas, shacks up with the first woman he meets, and shoves it in his daughter’s face at her son’s birthday party. [Nods.] It’s making more sense now. And you know what? That does seem selfish. It’s flagrantly disrespectful to his daughter’s mother. Maybe the daughter tried to remain neutral regarding the divorce, or she wouldn’t have suggested he move nearby. But then, when he formed his drug-cooking harem (or whatever), the daughter got fed up.
Nothing like a fun bit of detective work! He’s guilty! Guilty of being a bad, bad now-ex-husband to the mother of his children. Aha! Aha!
I also want a life of my own as I cannot be with [my daughter and grandkids] all the time.
Translation: I have sexual needs, and I can’t keep it in my pants! Don’t make me! But please, I still want you to help me immigrate.
I think I’ve got this guy’s number. This has been fun and enlightening!
I was still sick today. My digestive system seems to believe that I ate charcoal, or something. Good Lord, that vaccine was horrendous. I can’t quit wondering: if the vaccine is that bad, how awful is the actual virus?! I don’t want to know, and ideally, I won’t find out now that I’ve been vaccinated. Sigh.
In contest news, I won’t get results for round 2 until around May 19th, which can probably be translated as May 20th. [Eyeroll.] Three people on the forum have posted in my group, and their stories are all good. This is the hard thing about round 2 and beyond: the only people left are good writers. (Still, some good writers don’t make it this far.) I feel like my chances of making it to round 3 are statistically random, which would give me a 5 out of 25 chance of making it. (Top five in my group of 25 make it to round 3.) So… that would give me 20% odds. I can live with that. It’s just hard knowing that there’s so much solid competition from this point forward.
I haven’t been posting on the forum, just lurking. I have no intention of ever rejoining the forum. It’s toxic in ways that are senseless. But no one seems to mind that I have a stalker profile over there. This way I can check out the competition without having a presence.