Self-torture is fun! (Not.)

So, I’ve still been spending an hour at a time on the treadmill. I did it once today (and hope to do it again later this evening), twice yesterday, and once the day before. All in all, I’ve burned 1,285 calories.

I know I should be proud of that, but I’m concerned that I won’t stick with it. I can’t even tell if that’s a rational or irrational concern. I only quit exercising altogether when I’m having mental-health lapses. Otherwise, I’m always glad to either use my home gym, or go to the local gym and use the treadmill, or to go ride my bike, or go ice skating. I don’t remotely blame myself for not exercising when I’m mentally and/or hormonally unwell. There’s a certain element of triage that occurs then, and exercising doesn’t make the cut. (Unfortunately, neither does eating healthy foods. You see the problem.)

So I need to push myself harder when I’m doing well, and maximize on it. I just keep gaining weight, and it’s demoralizing. I’m not sure if torturing myself on the treadmill is the solution, but it’s all that I have right now.

(It’s not torture in a physical sense, because I’ve been keeping my heartrate down to ideal levels, according to my internet research and what my body seems to agree with. It’s just insanely boring!! And it lasts forever!! Today might literally be the day the music died.)

Here’s where things get more demoralizing: I burn roughly 300 to 360 calories each time. But in order to lose one pound, common internet lore says that you have to burn 3,500 calories. That equates to ten hours of torture. But did I mention that my weight is higher than ever? (To the best of my knowledge, anyway.) And it’s up from what it was recently. AAUGH!

My attempts at going down on (or off of) Seroquel (which causes weight gain) were futile, but I’m glad I tried, because I discovered that I love a supplement called Valerian. It lowers my body temperature so I feel all nice and relaxed. I’ve been taking it as a tincture (liquid) so it’ll kick in sooner. (Tinctures seem to kick in faster than pills.)

I haven’t taken it lately, not since I went back up to my regular Seroquel dosage, but I’m glad to have it onhand for any occasion (including, but not limited to, insomnia) where relaxation could help.

I’m hopeful that I’ll only have to lose the weight once and then do some basic weight maintenance that will involve NEVER EVER EVER gaining the weight back. [Shrug.] Hey, it’s possible. So I’ve got my work cut out for me. I felt so demoralized earlier that my dad told me to take it one day at a time. In all honesty, my schedule’s wide open more often than not, and self-torture (should I refer to it as something else?) is a good and worthwhile pursuit. As long as I’m mentally well, I’m capable of it (marginally).

Guess what else? I’m hitting the road tomorrow to get vaccinated in Lexington, aka small-town, horse-farm Kentucky. They apparently have a surplus of vaccines there, because they’re allowing anyone over 16 to get the vaccine; whereas here in Louisville, you have to be over 50, and they’re booked solid even with that. Two words: ROAD TRIP!

Mapquest is telling me that it’ll take under an hour-and-a-half to get there, and it’s mostly on a highway I’m very familiar with, I-64. I can dig it. This will get me closer to being able to visit Sonya in Prague! (I hope!)

I’m cooking up a new creative project, and I have been for a while, but I want to stay mum about it for now. I have to say, though, that I love being able to pursue every creative project imaginable, and I wish that sort of freedom for everyone. There’s nothing like being creative! My giveaway on Goodreads is going well. I’ve even gotten some sales! People like naughty smut! Who knew? We need more naughty smut.

Oh! Time to walk the puppy around the block!! I hope everyone’s having a great day!

4 thoughts on “Self-torture is fun! (Not.)

  1. Don’t overdo yourself on the treadmill but yea, continue doing what feels good and what feels right! As long as you’re actively moving, I think it’s safe to say you’re off to a good start! 👍👍👍

    Liked by 1 person

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