My new diet is going ridiculously well, and I think it works for me in every way possible. Iffing (intermittent fasting) was difficult in a few ways: if I were to wake up at 8:00 AM, as I did this morning, it would feel impossible to go without food for hours and hours and hours. Also, I don’t deal with hunger very well. (Actual hunger, not the munchies. If my stomach’s empty, I’m miserable.)
This new diet of no processed sugar and no flour is manageable because I can eat whenever as long as it’s healthy, and so the daily goal is to prepare a healthy dinner for myself. Elsewise during the day, I eat some Lara bars and nuts. For days when I’m an emotional mess, I can get some snack food from the organic department that’s sugar- and flour-free and not worry about the addiction returning. As long as I stick with it and avoid eating the organic snacks on happytimes days, I’ll be golden.
Oh wow, I just sneezed my brains out. So that’s why we wear the masks! (Buh-doink.)
So, I’m committed to it. I have no plans whatsoever to go back onto the flour. With sugar, I’ve been eating small amounts of it and don’t feel the need to binge. I think, and this is just a guess, that I’m addicted to flour hardcore but not sugar. Since yesterday I started eating my Lara bars that have the chocolate chips because I don’t want them to go to waste, and it hasn’t triggered any insane binges or returns to junk food within me. I’ve always intuitively believed that my issue isn’t sugar. I don’t tend to turn to candy when I’m feeling blue: rather, it’s going to be chips or other snacks. Reading some books, I realize it’s flour that’s my kryptonite. I like sugar, sure. But I don’t sense that it’s calling the shots. That’s flour.
So I’m fine never eating any snack chips or anything else that has flour. And sugar’s only allowed in trace amounts: Lara bars, Worcestershire sauce, it’s all good. I’m not going to let myself go buy candy, but again, I’m not a huge candy fanatic anyway. I’ll eat candy again one day (flour-free candy), but not anytime soon. With the flour, I’m drawing a hard line here. No, no, no. I can just intuit that it has a grip on me.
The book I read said that most people are sugar addicts rather than flour addicts as far as which addiction is primary in food addicts. She said (I think) that 80% of food addicts struggle primarily with sugar, and 20% primarily with flour. That would put me in an odd minority, but what can I say? I love Cheetos, Pringles, barbecue Baked Lays, peanut butter crackers, etc.
One thing that’s beautiful about my current diet is that there’s always a healthier alternative. I can buy rice cakes and put some organic peanut butter on them (sugar-free, no corn oil) if I really want to. (I don’t think corn oil should be consumed, either. So, goodbye, Jif.)
I’m also glad that my dad’s taken over control of my finances. The arrangement is holding me accountable so I can’t spend money thoughtlessly. I’ll miss the lottery tickets! And the ridiculous stuff that I don’t need. Now I’m on the straight and narrow. He’s going to pay off my credit cards and put most of my money toward it each month and give me a meager food allowance, which will put me on a cash basis. He’s willing to help me save to visit Prague again, which is great! (I guess vaccines have to happen first, right?) The structure is helping to put my mind at ease. We’re going to regroup in a year or so.
It feels very stabilizing to hand over control. I can buy stuff online for him with his credit card, like the cigars he orders, without fear of going off the deep end, because I’d consider it very, very, very wrong to go on a shopping spree with his credit card. (He doesn’t do internet.) That would be beneath me (unless I were to become off-the-charts manic, or something, but I think I’m a responsible medication taker).
So everything’s going well, and I like all this structure I’ve added to my life. I also want to go to the gym once or twice a day, and my membership’s a mere $10 a month, but I misplaced my tiny music player. Here’s hoping I can find it!