Not at my level.

Do you all know that guy I liked who lives in Thailand? Well, he just dumped me, although I don’t think that’s the right word. I finally asked him if he wanted to be friends with me, because I was confused by his sporadic communication and his tendency to answer my messages without ever initiating any messages.

He wrote:

Hi Meg.
It is not that I don’t want to be friends, I am just not the kind of person that gets really friendly with people that I only know from the internet. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I am really only interested in sharing things to do with the contests at this point. I don’t think I can be what you seem to be looking for at this time.
I hope you too have a great day.

How lovely. There was never anything between us, and I’m including friendship in that. It was all in my head.

It is not that I don’t want to be friends.

Yeah, it is.

I am just not the kind of person that gets really friendly with people that I only know from the internet.

Baloney. I’d take offense at his dissing of internet relationships, but I suspect it’s untrue. It’s just a nice cover story. Whatever the truth is, it would be hurtful, so he’s just blaming the internet. I wasn’t born yesterday… although yesterday was my half-birthday. Huh. Go figure.

I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

I guess I appreciate that, but… my feelings are hurt.

I am really only interested in sharing things to do with the contests at this point.

Well, we don’t have to share that stuff anymore, either.

I hope you too have a great day.

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Ugh. Dorothy Zbornak really says it best.

I guess I appreciate his honesty, but I’m upset for obvious reasons. I never understand why some people don’t want to be my friends. I think I’m a great friend. Maybe he’s not a great friend, so he’s not at my level…? Is that possible? I take friendship very seriously. It’s like I was writing about in a recent blog post where my previous best friend was always getting hit on by catfishers, and I’d try to scare them off behind her back. That’s the sort of person I am.

(I just told off another one last night, and this guy sent me a friend request because they’ve got my number now. They’re ballsy, but I always tell them upfront that they’re not getting a dime. Then I report them to FB.)

Anyway, I wrote back to him and said:

Oh! No, that’s quite all right. You don’t have to share anything about the contest, either, if you don’t want to. And we can forget about that beta reading stuff, too. I only beta read for friends. You understand. I didn’t necessarily want you to share anything with me, but some appreciation would’ve been nice. You have to be a friend to yourself before you can be a friend to anyone else, and you aren’t there yet. Good luck with that. 🙂

He got told. I’m of two minds about this. On the one hand, he was honest and courteous, and here I am shooting him down anyway. On the other hand, he didn’t think I was good enough for him, and I’m not okay with that. I’m never really okay with that. It baffles me.

He might’ve sensed that I wanted to be more than friends, but that wasn’t a huge deal. I’m happy being friends. It is what it is. But to not even appreciate my friendship is… I don’t know… wrong, somehow. It feels right, like he was never good enough for me and I couldn’t see it. I see it now. My intuition tells me he has issues that he doesn’t feel like overcoming. I’m always trying to encourage healing and wholeness, and some people get freaked by that. I sort of wish, though, that he’d never led me on into believing we were friends. I hate it that people do that. When you have to ask if you’re friends, that’s usually a bad sign, and this was no exception.

It kind of makes me sad. But he’s just not at my level.

2 thoughts on “Not at my level.

  1. Ugh, that sucks. But I do think it’s possible that this isn’t about you specifically. While internet friendships certainly can be deep, I think there are people who save the deep for in-person friendships and are only looking for more surface-level contacts online. You deserve someone who’s willing to go deep online, and if this guy won’t do that, he’s not the right guy for you, either for a relationship or a friendship.

    Liked by 1 person

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