This is totally creeping me out. I lay in bed last night and wanted to do some soul-searching about how awful things went on the forum and how it tore me apart. What I realized blew my mind and caused my eyes to pop open under the covers. The whole event seemed to follow the short story I wrote for said forum’s contest last weekend.
I won’t reprint the whole story here, so check out that post if you haven’t yet! First off, the story takes place in New York City, and the forum I use is for a competition that’s based in New York City.
Jeanne has a nightmare that wakes her up. Likewise, what happened on the forum upset me so much that I had a nightmare several nights ago that actually made me wake up screaming.
Jeanne is afraid that life itself can’t be trusted, that no higher force is looking out for her, but she’s been trying hard to overcome that, so when her boyfriend proposes to her and she flees, she immediately feels guilty about having treated him that way.
In turn, I had reason to not trust the forum (due to a disturbing incident almost two years ago), but I was starting to think, oh, you know, the forum’s a safe place. I’ll be okay there.
And then, as soon as Jeanne’s making progress toward feeling safer, a plane flies into the World Trade Center.
And then, as I was feeling safer on the forum, things went to hell in two seconds.
(I’m not trying to compare these two situations’ gravity–not remotely. That’s not the point here.)
Jeanne hoped it was a fluke (the plane colliding with a tower), but she wasn’t gullible enough to fall for that, so she ordered her friend to leave the other tower.
I had a sinking feeling as soon as things went south on the forum, and I reported the thread to management on Monday. It wasn’t dealt with until yesterday (Friday).
Jeanne saw the second tower get hit and knew she’d been right that the evil had deliberate (not accidental) intent.
I got caught up in watching people trash each other, not from a place of anger (which I can relate to), but from a place of getting off on causing problems, laughing at others, and enjoying watching others suffer (none of which I can relate to, unless I’ve gone someplace awful in my mind). In other words, I wasn’t merely witnessing anger. I was witnessing deliberate cruelty and destruction.
Jeanne saw one of her friend’s coworkers and ran up to him to find out where her friend was. The guy was spaced out and couldn’t offer any help.
I tried to get everyone on the forum to quit being cruel, and I got nowhere.
The entire tower (only one of them in my story’s timeline) collapsed.
That forum went straight to hell. There’s no other way to describe it.
Jeanne realized she was in over her head with blaming herself for stuff that was out of her control.
I realized that the forum is a den of iniquity and a hotbed of sin, and I asked to have my account deleted from it.
We don’t find out if Jeanne’s best friend survived, but she probably didn’t.
Part of me died this week from being exposed to so much unmerited and inexcusable cruelty.
Jeanne made her way back to the one source of support she knew she could count on.
I’m here blogging where I know that sort of unthinkable hostility won’t happen.
Yeah, it’s just freaking me out like you wouldn’t believe. How does that work? You write a story and then it takes on a life of its own?
At any rate, I finally got myself deleted from the forum. (I practically had to beg the competition head to do it, and he finally got it done.) Those lowlifes can feed on each other now without poisoning me. I hope they destroy each other. I know that sounds cruel, but they deserve it.
I’m meant for better things.