So, now I have problems. My mom replied to my emails, in which I called her out for her narcissistic ways. Here’s her response (I corrected a few minor typos):

I’m sorry.

I always want to be a loving caring mother, but I apparently don’t come across that way. I was also trying to be empathetic about the bullying but instead I was insensitive and for that I am especially sorry.

I don’t know what you mean about your driving but certainly did not mean to be patronizing.

It is sad to me that my visit with you, the first in many months was painful for you.

I was so happy to be invited over, to meet your big sweet puppy and to hear you play the piano. For me it was a glorious day. I don’t know how to overcome my failings.

Great, just peachy. Now what do I do? I wrote back and muttered, it’s okay. I’m sure you meant well. 

But does she?! I may have to face the facts here: maybe it’s not her fault that she’s narcissistic. In other words, maybe in her mind she’s being a good person, whereas to someone like me, she’s being snarky. Holy flip. That makes it a lot harder to demonize her. Darn. Does anyone have any thoughts about this?

In other news, I can’t seem to get my bedroom cleaned. It’s a huge mess. I need some motivation, but I’ve been so busy lately that I’m too tired. I went to my brother’s house one morning to greet his chandelier installer, I helped my friend Ash move to Florida, I brought my mom over here for a day of fun, I slept poorly and didn’t get a nap one day recently, and on and on. Now, I’m torn between catching up on my rest versus cleaning this very messy room.

I need to quit pushing myself. Once I’m well-rested, it’ll happen naturally. It can be hard for me (and probably for anyone) to push through fatigue, so why am I pushing so hard? It’ll get done.

I’m excited for NaNoWriMo. Other than my concern about taking my mom to the doctor on November 2nd, I’m looking forward to it. The focus this year will be on writing quality words, with no focus at all on getting the whole story told. Yes, I want to write 50,000 words, but I don’t care if that’s only half the story. I want to focus on good storytelling rather than rush-rush-rush. With 1,667 words per day, that’s actually doable unless you fall behind, and then life can get hairy. Best not to fall behind.

I made a fun cover for it: time-2034990_1920 (1)

Ooh, I like that! (I did it just now.) I don’t love the logline, but I’m sure I can come up with a better one at some point.

2 thoughts on “Problems!

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