Oh, good Lord.

I like a guy.

No, please, don’t freak out and run screaming from my blog. I can keep it together this time. It’s been foretold. My pattern is healed. Maybe it’ll work out with this guy. But if not, he and I don’t have to part on bad terms. Do we?

Full disclosure: I’m listening to extremely saptastic music right now on YouTube. Anyone familiar with The Horse Whisperer soundtrack? Please check out “The Rhythm of the Horse.”

I was telling a friend of mine that it’s nascent. That means that it’s too soon to predict anything. I’ve known this guy for a while, and he emailed me recently to check in and see how well I did writing a 3-day novella. That was really sweet. I thought so.

Hey, I’ve formed emotional attachments on much less.

I did a Tarot reading for him and me, and it was a very nice reading. Lost of peaceful cards like the six and seven of Cups and the King of Cups, none reversed.

Now I’ve got “Come Undone” by Duran Duran on.

Writing my memoirs has given me a perspective on my overall life. My brother and I were beautiful, soulful children, and my mom tried to corrupt us. But I’d guess she’s been at war with herself.

I spoke to her today for the first time in over four months. She sent me a $250 gift card to LL Bean. I’ll say this: the woman knows the way to my heart. I’ve already spent it! It took about half an hour, if that.

She asked about my writing projects and had the expected freakout over how I’m writing memoirs. “Ohh, I don’t think I’ll want to read that,” she said. No kidding. But she loved my latest novel, The Enervation of Eve, and its ending. She said it’s my best book thus far, which is weird, because I see it as my worst. “I was afraid you’d be mad at me for sending you a gift card,” she said.

“Uh, no…? I like gift cards.”

“So I did something right?”

“Yes. Good Mommy,” I said.

“Oh, good, I did something right! That makes my day.”

“Great! Then your day has been made.” I told her about intermittent fasting and the NYC competitions and how I took first place in my group in the last round.

Ooh, nice. Now I’ve got “Tears Roll Down” by Tears for Fears playing.

Into that void of silence where we cry without sound, where tears roll down, where tears roll down. And when your mother’s violence sends your soul underground where tears roll down, where tears roll down. 

They speak my language.

Love takes many shapes, including parents who are horrifically abusive despite their best efforts.

My psychic friend, Ash, told me that I’m going to find love soon. Taking romance out of the equation, I have found love. It’s an embarrassment of riches for me. I have so many great friends and family members and even animal friends. Yeah, I don’t get laid often (if ever) but I have love. I have just about everything a person could ever want. This music is wild. I’m high on it.

Into that void of silence where we cry without sound, where tears roll down, where tears roll down. And when your mother’s violence sends your soul underground where tears roll down, where tears roll down. 

Oh no, the song ended. Immediate action must be taken. Oh, good. “Shout” is coming on next.

So, yeah, if this guy who I like isn’t the one, then the next guy will be. (But I hope he is.) Let me tell you something, ladies, this guy is sexy. Oh my gosh. He’s a hottie. I’m demisexual, so I’m usually not attracted to men at first, so that’s saying something.

2 thoughts on “Oh, good Lord.

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