Exhausted!

Well, I’m in a good mood, but I’m emotionally and mentally hungover. Emotionally from getting bad news from my former employer, and mentally from writing the 3-day novella.

About that: I reached my same word count as last year: 17,400 words (rounded). Go figure. Unfortunately, I’m seeing some comments on social media indicating that my competitors wrote, like, 30,000 words. Yikes!

I relisted my rainbow table because the original industrial legs weren’t working. They were wonky, and I’ll have to find another use for them. I switched out to some IKEA Adils legs. I use them myself at my own computer table and know how sturdy they are.

In bad news, I got a huge package of nice fall/winter clothing from LL Bean in the mail just now. Why is that bad news? None of it fits. In their size range, I’ve always been a Large Petite in pants (I have a tall torso and short legs, even though I’m 5’8″ tall) and an XL (regular) in tops. So that’s what I ordered. They’re all slightly too small. They fit, but they don’t flatter, because I need to lose a lot of weight.

However, I’m feeling very hopeful about that. Much to my surprise, the intermittent fasting (IF) is still working! I mean, it’s mindblowing. Even though it’s hard for me to control what I eat (although I haven’t given up on that), I can readily control when I eat. From yesterday into this morning, I went 16.5 hours from 6:25 PM until 11:00 AM for my fast. Righteous.

Thus far, I’ve been breaking the fast with unhealthy foods and continuing to eat unhealthy foods all day long. But I needed to get used to fasting. Now that I’m used to it, I’m focusing on trying to eat healthier foods during my open window. I bought some eggs and English muffins at the store this morning. My dad thinks this is weird, but I like scrambled eggs burnt (I think they call it “hard” in the restaurant industry) and with a 5 mg packet of sugar on them.

My dad was like, “Sugar’s bad for you.” All snarky-like.

And I rolled my eyes and said, “Really, Mr. Brains? I could eat 5 mg of sugar on my eggs, OR I could go to the pastry shop and get a huge peanut butter cookie, a plain bagel, a Vitamin Water, and a cinnamon pretzel twist.” Amazingly, he saw the logic in that. I hate what a know-it-all he always has to be. Ugh. But I know it’s just how his mind works. No big. [Eyeroll.]

So I’ve recommitted to weight loss, and I’d like to lose a lot before it becomes time for cold-weather clothing. I mean, the clothes would all fit better if I could lose somewhere between five and fifteen pounds, so I’m not being overly ambitious here. (Actually, if I could lose that much, I’d be thrilled to death.) I don’t know what sort of weight loss intermittent fasting can produce. I’m keeping in mind that you have to do it for a month continuously before your body starts feasting off its own fat. Prior to that point, your body thinks you’re messing with it and will try to find fuel elsewhere. I can wait.

But if I can master healthy eating AND fasting, I’ll be golden. It’s just so hard to avoid easy temptations. Darn that pastry shop! It’s literally about five buildings from my house. There’s Stevil’s house next door, an alley to cross, and a few business buildings, and then around the corner is the pastry shop. Oh well.

Did I mention that in a month, they’ll have pumpkin muffins? Ohhhh….

But it occurred to me that IF isn’t about counting calories. So what I could try to do is eat some healthy foods that are high in calories instead of trying to go low-cal. For example, I used to make a salad, but when I was doing Weight Watchers once, the salad was a whole day’s points. Now I’m thinking, it’s a healthy salad, so what the heck? Combined with IF, it should be a great meal to eat sometime during my open window.

  • One or two large handfuls of dry slaw
  • A handful of baby snap peas, snapped
  • Some salad dressing (I like Champaigne Vinaigrette light)
  • Half a package of precooked grilled chicken
  • Sliced almonds
  • Craisins
  • Dried Chinese noodles

You can see how all those ingredients would break the Weight Watchers metric, right? But it’s essentially healthy. I’d love to make it again. Now’s the time. I like eggs, too, but it’s a matter of taking the time to cook them while toasting the English muffins. The pastry shop beckons so tantalizingly within easy reach.

I’ve just got to try harder. But I have no clue why I have willpower in some ways but not others. Is that a normal experience? Huh. Probably, yeah, I’d guess that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, right?

This will sound crazy, but I miss my mom. It’s been four months (as of tomorrow) since I’ve interacted with her. In good news, she’s alive and well. In bad news, she’s… well, she’s her. I think that says it.

(Quick version: she’s a narcissist who’s overly critical and negative and dire and gloom-and-doom. I could win the Powerball jackpot, and her reaction would be, “Oh no! What if [fill in the blank with some sort of bad outcome] happens?” And when I tell her about my friends, she’ll say, “Don’t you find it odd and bizarre that your friend [fill in the blank with a completely normal behavior]? I think something must be wrong with him/her.” Like, one time we were discussing my much beloved stepsister, Celia. My mom got mad at Celia for calling my dad Codger, which is what my siblings and I call him. My mom told me, “Celia was being too formal, as if she’s a member of the family, or something.” Um, she is a member of the family, ever since my mom married her dad [now deceased]. I really told my mom where to shove it. It was unnecessarily hurtful, and my dad loves being called Codger; I think he finds it an honor that someone other than his kids would do it.)

Well, that wasn’t much of a quick version after all. Hmm… Okay, quick version: my mom’s a [bleep].

It’s still on my agenda to get caught up with blogs!! I feel like I’ve been run over by a steamroller.

4 thoughts on “Exhausted!

  1. It sounds like the IF is going really well! If you swap something unhealthy for your salad that would be it!
    I think your body also needs the time to adjust, so be patient.
    I’m trying to lose some weight too and it’s not easy.

    Like

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