Online dating: bad for the soul!

So, online dating is draining. It feels, first of all, like a soulless endeavor. So shallow and probably geared toward sex. I have nothing against sex, but sex alone without connection and commitment and a deep and abiding love for each other is meaningless. Even though I automatically eliminate the men who admit to looking for a casual relationship, I suspect that most men who claim to be looking for a long-term relationship are lying. What they really want is sex, sex, sex.

That’s why I’d prefer to meet a man organically. I think there’s something about dating sites that’s as meaningless as porn.

I’ve started a few conversations with different men on the bumble site, and they’ve all rejected me. This is okay. I’ve always known I’m too much woman for most men to handle. It is what it is.

But I wish they wouldn’t automatically click that they like me in a way that I suspect they do for every woman, as if they’re waiting to see who likes them back and then rejecting the person (me). I suspect this because I can’t imagine that my message to them (“Hi! I hope you’re having a great day!”) could possibly be scaring them off. (Unless they only respond to sexual innuendos, in which case, I’ll definitely get rejected. Meg is always a lady first and foremost, and she’s a total class act. Well, except for when she’s busy propositioning other women’s husbands. Huh. I’m starting to feel ashamed of that!) ๐Ÿ˜€

On the other hand, the problem might be my profile. This is what I wrote about myself:

I’m “crazy”! If you have a problem with that, I understand! Also, I create drama! Again, if you have a problem with that, I understand. I think I just can’t buckle under the pressure to be crazy-free and drama-free, because it’s not how I roll. I’m real and genuine and that happens in real life! ๐Ÿ™‚

Too much honesty, Meg, too much honesty.ย See, too many men say, “I don’t want any crazy women, and I don’t do drama.” (Well, just pass me by, because real life happens.)

Also, you don’t see any of these men being honest. What are the odds that that many menย could enjoy the outdoors, drinking fine liquor, fishing, and listening to live music? Is there a problem in men’s brains that renders them incapable of original thought? As a writer, it damages my soul to see all these profiles where there’s no originality, no honesty or integrity of expression.

And my profile photo… kinda sweet and childish.

I’m screwed. In fact, I’m so screwed that I’m never going to get screwed. And that’s pretty screwed up.

I’ll probably give up on online dating soon. Engaging in it feels corrupting to my beautiful, childish soul.

Well, anyways, I’m still hard at work on decluttering our house, and I’ve made great strides. The only problem is that I need to find a place to shove everything that’s cluttering up the house into. (If my dad weren’t in the picture, a lot of it would go. I doubt he’ll let me get rid of this stuff.) We’ve accumulated too many things, particularly on the first floor, and it’s all too much. I told him I wanted to get rid of a bookcase (probably by storing it in the basement), and he had some sort of freakout. “No! No! I like having it there!”

“It’s backed up against another bookcase, and you can put your cigars onto the third bookcase on its other side.”

“No! No! I like looking at the pretty depression-era glass on it!”

“It’s cluttery, and the glass things keep getting covered in dust and cigar shavings,” I said.

“But… but… but… No! No!”

[Eyeroll.] I’ll move the furniture when he’s not home, and when he comes home, he’ll see how lovely the house looks with that space opened up. That’s generally how I do it.

He doesn’t travel much, if at all, but if he goes somewhere in the future, I might sneak into his room and tackle it. I’m never allowed to clean in there, and he’s a hoarder. Lord above, you have no idea. It’s a total mess! Oh, how badly I want to go in there in a Hazmat suit with some contractor-sized trash bags and disinfectant. Usually I just go in there to grab the landline phone or to steal his snacks.ย Shh.ย 

My goal is to have the house as neat and tidy as possible for my upcoming writing projects. A tidy home promotes creativity and focus. I might also rearrange my bedroom furniture again for that same reason, but the organization needs to get done first. Also, I should do the rearranging closer to the upcoming events, because the novelty of rearranged furniture never lasts very long.

My 3-day novella already has a title:ย Period, End Of.ย Cute, eh? Also, last year’s 3-day novel is in a contest right now where the shortlist will be announced on September 1st, and I’m excited about that! YAY!

I’m so glad that I’ve been sane again lately. Unfortunately, my diet has gone to the dogs. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I keep going to the local pastry shop and the local cafe for even more pastries. It’s deplorable. So I finally spent a small fortune on groceries on Amazon yesterday, and they’re coming soon. I got more Kodiak waffle mix and a new waffle iron. The old one took 25 minutes to use, and the new one should cook all the waffles at once. Can I afford it? No. Oh well.

I also bought some more Kodiak cups. They’re microwaveable cups that turn into brownies or muffins or cornbread. I love them!

And I got some peanut-butter crackers, the toasted kind, in bulk, to keep myself from going to the drug store late at night.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It seems as if I’m clinically incapable of sticking to a diet. It’s very hard for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve gained a lot of weight lately, but I’m afraid to weigh myself and find out. In good news, I’ve been going to the gym, and that was something I never did at all for years and years. My Planet Fitness membership is $10 a month, and the branch is a mile up the road. It’s open 24/7, and my treadmill has my name on it.

Well, I guess I’ll get back to the organizing. I hope everyone’s having a great day!

 

10 thoughts on “Online dating: bad for the soul!

  1. Yeah seriously. I tried online dating in the past mostly just out of curiosity, like generally, I had no idea whatsoever about dating as I never ever did, still haven’t as I can’t count the mostly very brief, shallow exchanges on the dating websites as actual dating, so I wanted to know what it’s like to date, how will I like it, is it doable at all, how does it work, can I find someone interesting enough etc. and the whole experience was super draining. Almost like real life, real time socialising! So that made me even more certain of that I don’t want and am not going to actively look for anyone and that I’m happy being single, at least for the time being, but somehow I can’t imagine it ever changing and how/why it would be supposed to happen, unless for some very practical reasons perhaps. I also very subjectively don’t really like how very visual it is, that you have post pics of yourself (’cause yeah, I’m just so narcissistic like that and I have whole albums of selfies ๐Ÿ˜€ ). Though of course I understand how it makes the experience much better and more realistic for an average sighted user. I admire people who keep on with this and don’t give up on a dating website after maximum a week. The interactions on there are so extremely shallow I wonder how people can seriously make something more long-lasting and truly bond with each other. Though I’m sure there must be some exceptions to the rule and that there are some people who have made meaningful relationships, or sites that are less shallow than others.
    Hahaha, your approach to decluttering reminds me very much of my Mum. My Dad’s also a hoarder and doesn’t like change, which I just absolutely get, but he can’t even make a change when it’s certain that it’s going to be positive and there’s no risk involved. Meanwhile my Mum is very spontaneous and has a knack for interior design, and such, so often when Dad’s at work for some longer time (which happens regularly since he’s a driver) she does all sorts of decluttering, rearranging stuff, adding something new in the house or in the garden etc. Dad has mostly accepted that things just work this way, but he’s not that calm as you say your dad is, so he always throws a proper tantrum over this, but hey, why should we even care? So we never do, and the next time he goes away, something else is changed. But after some time, a lot of time, he’s able to, super reluctantly admit that Mum’s way actually looks a little bit better and that, originally, he had such an idea as well, but wasn’t sure if it would work out. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It never ceases to amaze me how much you and I have in common, and now with our families as well! ๐Ÿ˜€ Wow! Yeah, I totally agree about the online dating stuff, too. The thin line of hope here is that Ashley Leia’s brother met his now-wife on a dating site! Wow! From what I understand, they’re happily married and have a baby, and all that. You always hear about that sort of thing, but you wonder if it will happen to you! I’m trying to keep an attitude of it being a means to an end!! I’m also being brazenly honest. One guy on there asked what I was looking for, and I said something like, “I want a deep and abiding connection, and someone who’ll be there for me and who I can be there for,” and so forth. I used to try to play the part of a typical person, but now I’m just owning it. That guy rejected me not five minutes later, but we all know how much worse it would be if I pretended to be someone I’m not and then felt the pressure to live up to that. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments! I hope you’re having a great day today!! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the problem with the dating profile is that it’s all about what people might perceive as negatives. and there’s nothing at all about the many positives that you have to offer.

    Saying that you create drama is going to make almost anyone immediately run for the hills. I’d say that would be better to leave for when you’re already talking to someone and you can provide more context to it. And the drama seems to have always come from dealing with guys that were wrong for you, not guys that were a good fit for you, so with the right kind of guy, there might not be any drama.

    Also, “crazy” without any further explanation/context is also likely to scare people off, because they’re not going to know if you mean crazy in a psychiatric sense or a non-psychiatric batshit crazy sense. “Mental illness” would probably be more effective at accurately conveying the reality.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You make good points!! I might have to put some thought into it!! I do fear, though, that there would be drama and histrionics, even with Mr. Right. I base this on two things: 1) Hormones! and 2) I just get insecure all the time, even when there’s no reason for it. I’m afraid to promise any man that it will all be smooth sailing! That said, I totally get what you mean that I don’t have to open with the negative! My hope with that is that men will appreciate the honesty and also the originality. Having gone through dozens of men over the past two days and liked or rejected them, I’m so sick to death of them all saying the same lame thing. If someone were to say, “Hey, I’m crazy and I create drama!” I’d be refreshed by it! Still, though, I know where you’re coming from, and I might change it. I think I just don’t have high hopes to start with and I’m just trying to stay detached mentally and emotionally from it! And despite my profile, there are always a lot of men in my beehive each day!

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      1. I think even if there would be drama, it’s best left for once they’ve gotten to see all the good parts of you. With any prospective relationship, there’s a judging of pros and cons with respect to the other person. If you’re only giving them cons and no pros to start off, you’re probably less likely to attract interest from guys who are actually looking for a relationship. Guys might appreciate some honesty about negatives if there’s positive to balance it out, but if there’s nothing in your profile about your good traits, they’re not getting a balanced view of who you actually are..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Huh. Okay! When I get around to rewriting it later today (hopefully), I’ll send it your way and see what you think!! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

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