Does complete = empty and meaningless?

I’m a bad judge of character. I think I’ve figured it out now.

That guy from the post office got fed up with my harassment of him, so he emailed me thusly:

I’m sorry you feel that way.

Just to interject here, he’s not sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Don’t fall for that.

Work is work. Home is home. I NEVER mix the two. I NEVER associate with people I work with. My life outside of work is very complete. Isn’t it my choice who I associate with? I treat all customers with equal respect. This is not about Meg Kimball. This is about a customer. I don’t associate with customers or coworkers. I have forwarded our correspondence to my supervisor.

It’s easy for him to say this now, after he gave me his email address and opened up to me in a long conversation about how awful it was that his friend was convicted of murder, how sad it is that his best friend is a married woman, etc., etc. Essentially, he’s trying to change his story to make it seem as if he was never initially interested in me.

I’m not buying it. And oh yes, this is about Meg Kimball. Hey, why don’t I add his full name here? But his lame attempt at shaming me was entertaining, if nothing else.

I had a few responses for him:

I’m real scared. Tell your supervisor to bite me.

Yeah, you get to choose with whom to associate. So why’d you give me your email address? Why’d you lead me on? Why’d you act like you liked me? That wasn’t nice.

This is true. He gave me his email address, and when I got home and sent him a social media friend request, he accepted it right away and started liking my posts.

I had more to say:

See, you can’t claim that now that it’s convenient. You gave me your email address. You liked me… right up until I said I’d read the book, I think? And then you realized, “Well, she’s smart and will realize that my ‘friend’ is guilty as sin,” and you panicked over it…? (I don’t have much to go on here. That, and/or I’m ugly.) Did it not occur to you that I have feelings, that I’m human, and that I’d notice your sudden pulling away from me? Blame it on your work/home boundaries all you want, but I’m smarter than that, and quite frankly, I deserve better than those stupid lies.

Followed by:

And you’re ridiculous. You make it seem as if I wanted to barge in, remodel your apartment, take over your entire at-home life, and make it my own. I wanted to get to know you. Um, not the same thing. Just for the record. You can try to make me feel ashamed of wanting to know you all day long, but it won’t work. I don’t feel ashamed. I’m mad at my poor judgment, yes, but not ashamed. You can claim your boundaries, but you opened the door to begin with and then changed your mind for whatever reason, and you don’t want to admit that. You want ME to feel ashamed for ever wanting to get to know you. Not. Gonna. Happen. Nice. Try.

And then:

I’d love to have your supervisor’s email address. Make sure the guy gets the full story, ya know? Send it my way.

Then I realized the implications of that and felt I should protect him from his own idiocy:

If you want me to talk to your supervisor, I will. But I’m not so evil as to initiate something like that in an effort to get you into trouble. I’m not evil enough to want to destroy your career. I’m not like that. But if YOU bring your supervisor into this, I’ll have an earful to tell him. Let’s just put it that way. If I were you, I’d call him off. Because I’m fully willing to share my side of this story, but I truly don’t want to ruin your career. I’m genuinely not that evil, [first name]. By bringing in your supervisor, you’d be making it too easy for me, and I have too much of a conscience to feel good about that. Seriously. Use some sense and let this blow over. I have nothing to lose here, because I haven’t committed any crimes; and you have everything to lose, what with your career. I don’t want to do that to you. Do I hate you? A good bit, yes, but I don’t want to destroy your life, for crying out loud. All I’m saying is that if your supervisor wants to talk to me, I’ll be completely honest for him, and I don’t think that would be good for you. Think about it.

That should put him back in his place. Yeah. I’m starting to realize now, with heartsinking clarity, that he told me all that stuff about his past not to connect with me, but to push me away. He intended for me to agree with him that he was a horrible person, and in so agreeing, he’d be done with me. I see that now. “Oh, I’m a horrible person. You don’t want to associate with me. Are you paying attention? Let me list the ways I’m horrible…” I should really learn to LISTEN when guys tell me that. They mean it! Women think opening up like that is bonding, but men do it to repulse. I get it now, I do. He’s repulsive. My bad.

It’s weird, though, because until he sent me the above response, I still thought he was a nice person. Now I see that he’s a jerk. I mean, I’ll admit that he has every right to be furious with me, and that no one acts nicely under those conditions. But yeah, he’s a jerk. It was staring me in the face, and I couldn’t see it. What does that say about me? Am I a terrible judge of character? The initial appeal was that he seemed so nice. He’s not nice! He’s … how to put it … he acts nice because he takes his job seriously. It’s not that I disapprove of that, but there’s no true niceness anywhere deeper than that. It’s all about job performance.

He never should’ve offered me his email address.

I suspect he knows that and doesn’t want to take any ownership, but he should really think about it. Leading me on was cruel, senseless, and probably intended 100% as a boost to his stupid male ego. Maybe he’ll think twice about that, now that he’s just now developed a no-interacting-with-customers policy. (I’m not sold that he already had that policy in place. I can tell when someone’s winging it. He did give me his email address.)

My life outside of work is very complete.

Snort. I’d say the opposite, that it’s empty and meaningless. He’s right, though, that he gets to choose who he hangs out with. I’d just say that maybe he shouldn’t lead people on.

I had some sort of crisis after all that went down and wound up talking to a crisis chat online. I wasn’t suicidal, just hormonal and paranoid and surrounded by extreme darkness; and I’ve felt this way since last Wednesday or thereabouts. (I’m bad with time.) Massive shout-out to Ashley Leia for discussing ways of preventing/minimizing PMS and hormonal issues. This has officially been a bad menstrual cycle.

But stay tuned. I’m reading the book about this guy’s friend’s conviction. Once read, I’ll be super-eager, I’m sure, to share my thoughts about it here on my blog. Is he guilty? Is he innocent? Is the guy at the post office in massive denial about his best friend’s obvious guilt? Stay tuned. I’m enjoying the book so far, but aside from an opening teaser scene, I haven’t gotten to the part where the convicted bad guy shows up. I think this will be one of the most interesting book reviews I could ever write.

I’m going to switch post offices, and/or get my dad to mail my packages for me, and/or print out labels and have the mailman pick up my packages. It will work out.

I’m disillusioned about the guy at the post office. How could I have not seen who he really is? How could I have thought he was nice?

Meg, he acted nice. You’re not a mindreader. You only have evidence given to go on. 

Yeah. Well, I mean, I myself am not nice. Geez, I’ve been horrible to him, and to every other guy who’s fallen victim of the same pattern I have. He can write me off as crazy, and I can write him off as vapid. I’d rather be crazy, and he’d rather be vapid, so that works out.

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Does complete = empty and meaningless?

  1. I’ve noticed a pattern of:

    Guy: “I have issues [x]and [y].”

    Meg: “No, you’re too nice to have issues [x] and [y]. You just feel bad about yourself. Let me help you see that you don’t have issues [x] and [y].”

    Guy behaves in a way that demonstrates issues [x] and[y], and demonstrates that those issues aren’t going to change. All hell breaks loose.

    I think the key point where this pattern can change is at the “no, you’re too nice to have issues [x] and [y].” If you take the guy’s statement about [x] and [y] at face value, you can then decide if those are issues that you can accept, or if you should just walk away at that point before things get messy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is so insightful. I bet it goes to my tendency to see the best in people, and to think people are being hard on themselves if they claim to be bad at relationships. I ought to write an entire blog post about this alone! That’s genius, oh my gosh. I always see it as a self-esteem issue, like, you just need to have more confidence in yourself; but it’s actually a lack of valuing relationships in the first place. Huh.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Well, great!! Maybe this is progress!! From now on, whenever a guy starts trash-talking himself to me, alarm bells should be going off. Fantastic! YAY! Oh hey, I’m tabbing over to your blog post now… looks interesting!!

      Liked by 1 person

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