The benefits of moral superiority.

Today’s the second day of a three-day round in my coveted short-story competition. I woke in a great mood, well-rested, but with nothing yet written. No huge deal. Just me and the existential-crisis-triggering blank page.

But then I opened my email, and there was a message from my mom. Oh, hell, no. I’d determined to avoid her at all costs since my last phone call with her.

So, and this is hilarious, I sent the message unread to spam. Yeah, I spammed my mother.

That was earlier today. Now it’s after 9:00 PM, and I have a solid first draft written of my story. So I decided to brave her email. Here it is, with some edits for grammar and typing:

Misunderstanding. I wish you could believe I was not trying to open old wounds or create drama in telling you about all the woes my sister is having to cope with these days.
I was honestly trying to elicit sympathy for her and support from within her family. Given my condition and my distance from her, [it] is the only thing I can think of to do for her. I talk to her on the phone and listen and I feel helpless. I had totally forgotten about the incident you thought I was referencing. You must think me to be a monster. I just wish you could see my motives for what they really were. I don’t know what else I can say. I am devastated that you think I am capable of treating you so cruelly.

As odd as it may sound, I believe her. Darn it! That means that I have to let her back into my life now. Oh, bloody hell. At least I marked the message as “not spam” and sent it back to my inbox. (Am I the only person who’s ever spammed her mother? Show of hands, please.)

So, I get the picture. My aunt is being an energetic vampire and sucking my mom’s energy away; and so Mother turned to me so she could steal a bit of my energy. And I don’t blame her, because energetic vampirism of that magnitude is hard to deal with.

She’s right about how she opened old wounds. My cousin, Andy, and I used to be good friends. He was my only friend for many years during my dark period when I believed in Evil Spirits (from 2005 through 2011). The fact that he dropped me like a hot potato when his new girlfriend (now wife) felt threatened by me is painful. I don’t feel guilty about anything, and I don’t think I did anything wrong. Reporting them to CPS was done for Andy. He loves his daughter more than life itself. (His wife has Munchausen’s and Munchausen’s by proxy.) And after the abuse I suffered as a kid, I’m incapable of looking the other way while abuse is occurring.

But still, it’s sad. Andy really used to matter to me. He’s four years younger than I am. We grew up together. When my older cousins (three years older than me) determined I wasn’t “cool” enough for them to want to hang out with, I turned to Andy and decided I wouldn’t treat him that way. Maybe I should’ve.

(Mother of God. Ashley Leia, your advice about writing my story first was primo! Geez.)

So, now I feel sad for my mother. My story’s in good shape (I hope), so perhaps I can visit her tomorrow. God. Maybe I can teach her about energetic vampirism.

I mean, I get why my aunt’s so upset. Her husband, whom I haven’t met, is having his second leg amputated. No more legs. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. It’s just tragic, and there are no two ways about it. In fact, my aunt’s whole life has been tragic in ways that are too scandalous for me to share here. But there was a point in my childhood where she could’ve intervened and staved off the same tragedy she suffered from befalling me, and she didn’t. I don’t hold a grudge, but I don’t exactly admire her, either, if that makes sense. And that’s what I’m saying about her granddaughter (my cousin Andy’s kid). I’m not that person who looks the other way while abuse is occurring. But my aunt is that sort of person.

Well, anyway, we can go back to letting sleeping dogs lie. Based on the circumstances, I feel morally superior to my aunt and my cousin, Andy, and everyone else involved. And that’s a good feeling, to be honest.

 

7 thoughts on “The benefits of moral superiority.

    1. You got it!! Yeah, there’s nothing quite like the thrill of spamming your mother. I think the power of it is going to go to my head at this point! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Good for you for protecting yourself but also being able to see when you might be wrong and taking the necessary actions to show that. Family situations can be tricky and messy at best I know that. Our relationships with our family members, near and far, seem to always been evolving. I look for the places where perhaps communication is okay now or maybe distance is still what’s best for me. Some people don’t seem to understand that it doesn’t make you jerk of the century because you need to distance yourself from a family member or members.

    Hopefully your mom learns how to protect herself from your Aunt without putting anyone else in harm’s way.

    Stay well and safe! Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! You stay well and safe too!! Yeah, I did talk to Mommy today, and she’s sort of…. depressed. I don’t know how to describe it. But she gets overly serious about everything sometimes and falls into the abyss. But I completely agree. I hate the irrational guilt I sometimes feel for excluding family members from my life (even when it’s mutual!). There shouldn’t be such pressure to always tolerate family, ya know?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree. I once was close to a family member, great friends, but my life took on a new direction. When that happened it was apparent to me that our association was not so healthy. Their group of friends especially was not great for me. For years other people just didn’t seem to get why I wouldn’t bend to give this person the time we used to have. They wanted me to do so for them. It was quite frustrating because they didn’t seem to care about what was good for me. I wish that person all the best, I do. I’m happy to say they are healthier now, but sadly we are best in passing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow, you and I are so totally on the same wavelength. Yeah, I totally hear ya. Like you wouldn’t believe. I admire you for sticking to your guns as I have, because it’s the best choice despite the guilt and pressure. I’m eager to read your blog and learn more about your family situation and such! (But it’s okay if you don’t blog about that! I’m sure I’ll love whatever you blog!)

        Like

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