Dear Mesmerizing Meg: How do I get her to give me closure? I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of years ago. She and I had a good relationship; she was everything I could’ve asked for in a person; however, there were times where I felt as if she wasn’t supporting me. Eventually, I told her I didn’t feel as if things were working out; in other words I dumped her… Fast forward, it’s 2020 and I have a new girlfriend but I still think about my ex. I feel like this is my mind telling me “you need closure”. I want to tell her I’m sorry for how we broke up, I’ve matured and changed. I’m not trying to get back into her life, but I just want to talk to her. However, I don’t want to initiate contact first. I’d prefer that she start it. How can I get her to contact me first without me initiating anything? By not initiating I mean by me not calling, texting, liking any of her social media accounts, etc. Any/All advice helps; thank you!
Kind querent: I’d let it go. It doesn’t sound as if you broke up with her in a mean or inappropriate way. You told her it wasn’t working out. There’s nothing about that to apologize for.
Also, she doesn’t owe you closure. You dumped her. You seem to be slightly controlling. You dumped her because there were times she wasn’t supporting you. Just out of curiosity, was her lack of support due to the fact that you were making bad decisions, the sort that don’t merit support? And is there any chance you’re still mad at her for speaking up? And is there any chance that you want to hurt her again for seeing through your BS and calling you on it?
The best way you can get closure would be to become the best version of yourself possible. I can’t think of any good reason to reconnect with your ex.
Let’s check in with Bad Girl Elizibeth, everyone! When we last heard from her, she’d gotten detention for being naughty in math class. Did she enjoy her detention, or was it torture? Let’s find out! (NOTE: I heavily edited the below letter for grammar and spelling.)
Dear Mesmerizing Meg: I have just gotten home from serving an afterschool detention. It was HORRIBLE. I’d forgotten that my friend was having her birthday today and we were going ice skating after school and I was invited. During the last lesson, most of the class was talking about the party. At 3:15 PM, we were let out of school. I was then escorted to the detention room by my teacher. I was seated at a desk and told not to speak. I was then sentenced to write a four-page essay on the importance of behaving in class. The detention lasted for an hour and forty-five minutes. I sat at my desk and felt MISERABLE. I knew my friends were out having fun while I sat at a desk being punished. What do you think? Do you think my punishment was too harsh, or did I get what I deserved? ~Bad Girl Elizibeth
Kind Bad Girl: You’re too cute for words. But I have to say that you got what you deserved. Try to behave your sorry self from now on.