Dear Mesmerizing Meg: First off I’m not trolling, I’m serious; and secondly I feel awful about it all and don’t ever want to do it again. Between the ages of 5-13 I did some sexual stuff with certain cousins. I felt so bad about it as a kid that I confessed to my mom about it and felt better. I also did something with my aunt but nonsexual. It was just a playful tackle but it got me excited I was going through puberty, and it felt almost flirty. Well I have GAD and I’m pretty sure OCD too. I met this girl I really like and I’m almost certain she likes me too. I was working, listening to music, and daydreaming about her, and I practically feel in love. I was daydreaming about playfully wrestling with her and then I got the memory of tackling my aunt and how it felt the same way that daydream did. Now I got myself thinking that if i ever go out with this girl and we cuddle or some **** that I’m going to feel like I’m cuddling with my aunt and now everytime I see the girl I like I think of my aunt. I dont want that. I dont want to be reminded of my aunt when I do stuff like that with her or just see her. I want to feel that unique feeling about the girl I like. My thoughts and worries have just gotten worse ever since then. This is making me extremely depressed. Now i got myself believing she looks like my aunt a little bit and that if I dont confess to my therapist about all ive done ill never feel the same about her again and wont be happy. I cant feel the lovey feeling anymore since this has been going on.
Kind querent: You are completely normal. When boys come of age sexually, they can be turned on by anything and everything. There are hormones coursing through your body, and it doesn’t take much. So if I were you, I’d forget about the experience with your aunt. It’s just one of those things that happens when you’re trying to get used to the influx of hormones in your system. If you want to redirect your thoughts about the girl you like, try this: instead of daydreaming about wrestling with her (like you did with your aunt), daydream about kissing her on the lips. That should reroute your fantasies into less auntly territory. And again, you’re completely normal. 🙂