Dear Mesmerizing Meg: I am 16. On December first, I had unprotected sex. On December fifth, I had sex again. Took a Pregnancy Test on the seventeenth of the same month, negative. I was in a behavioral health facility from December sixth through the twenty-third due to running away from a group home that did not help me cope with ADHD, autism, and major depressive disorder like they were supposed to. I returned home to my 81-year-old grandma. My grandma is like my mom cause my mom died in 2017 from illegal drug overdose and my grandma raised me since I was three. I take antidepressants and ADHD meds. My grandma tears down my self esteem and makes me feel sad. She has ten grown children, and she adopted my mom at age six. I refused to let her know i might be pregnant because she would joke about how I cannot take care of myself. Yes I have problems cleaning my room but I do clean my body and I CAN control anger, because out of all the seven places I’ve been to help improve my anger, I have learned an infinite amount of ways to cope. I believe in my dreams and I’ve been dreaming about kids each night from January 28 to January 30. My breasts have been hot, stomach cramped, and I had my period on December fifteenth but missed my period for January–stomach cramp or gurgling. I had white mucus from vaginal discharge on January nineteenth. I was spotting or pinkish discharge in January also, and I felt tired. I hope I’m not, but it’s life. I can manage. Today is January thirty-first. I plan on stopping my medication and simply cope with my problems. What should i do??
Kind querent: First of all, you need to see a primary care physician or a gynecologist to determine if you’re pregnant. I hate to tell you this, but you’ve got to tell your grandma. If you’re afraid she’ll blow a gasket, then tell another adult like a case worker or therapist you see, and have that adult tell Grandma. Or write Grandma a letter. (Does she do email? You could text Grandma.)
Second, you’d better not be pregnant. You’re in no position to raise a child. But if you are pregnant, then you need to be made aware of options like giving the baby up for adoption, etc.
Third, you’ve got to quit having unprotected sex. If you insist on being sexually active, then you must do so responsibly. I know accidents happen, but I don’t want you to have any more unnecessary accidents. Got it?
Fourth, do not go off your meds. Wait until you’ve seen or spoken with a doctor or social worker before you make that decision. It adds a certain urgency to the problem, though, so you’d better not dally on addressing this issue.
You’ve been through a lot lately, and adding a baby will not help. You need to be 100% focused on you, because you’ve got issues (so do I), and you’ve got to work hard and focus on overcoming those issues.
So take a breath and think practically. Your grandmother loves you and wants what’s best for you. She’s going to go off the deep end when you tell her you might be pregnant, so I’d give her the news from a distance. But you can do this. Once the dust settles, I want you to keep working on developing your impressive anger-control skills, which I admire you for having. And then focus on your schoolwork, and keep cleaning your room.